Page 83 of Rewrite the Rules

“A cobb salad for me and ranch soup for you with some lettuce and tomato sprinkled on top.” Joel flashes his perfect white teeth as he removes at least three extra containers of my beloved buttermilk ranch from the takeout bag. “And of course, tater tots because you’re a child and need these with every meal.”

“Did you—”

“Yes, I got extra of their secret sauce too.” He holds up another container of honey-gold deliciousness that pairs perfectly with my crispy tots. “Seriously, woman, it’s a miracle your body is so smokin’ seeing as your entire diet consists of only sugar, additives, and artificial coloring.”

I’d respond but my cheeks are already full. I just scowl like a grumpy chipmunk. I am starving. I didn’t realize until Joel shoved food right underneath my nose. This week has been filled with stress and uncertainty over this damn book and I’ve hardly been sleeping, let alone eating.

I chew in a hurry and swallow. “Thank you. I needed this. I will Venmo you for my half.”

Joel’s eyes turn to slits and he tosses his fork down as he leans back against the couch. He removes his glasses and pulls down on his face.

“What?”

“You’ve seen my penthouse and you’re offering to get me back for twenty bucks?”

“This salad cost twenty bucks? What the actual fu—”

Joel raises his eyebrows at me and I stop mid-sentence. “I can’t treat you to dinner. You can’t sleep over. You won’t call or text me first. I can’t call you baby. Are there any morerulesI should be aware of?”

My heart quickens. Joel wears an expression that’s somewhere between hurt and pissed. The pressure builds in my chest and swirls in my throat. “No PDA, no talking about the future, no raw dog…to name a few…”

“Raw dog? Jesus, Adler. Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?” I toss my fork on the table as well, suddenly losing my appetite.

“Not yourself.”

“What is the problem? You said you wanted a fuck buddy. We’re friends, we fucked. End of story. I’m trying to do you a favor by not getting all messy with emotions.”

Joel pushes the table forward so he has room to pull me into his arms, against his chest. He kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I get it now. You’re trying to be acoolgirl,aren’t you?”

“No…” I couldn’t if I tried.

“Adler, it’s not that I want unattached sex. I’m not some player. And I care about you. A lot. I just can’t…take it any further than this. But that doesn’t mean we need rules.”I need the rules.“Just get rid of them. You can be yourself with me.”

“There’s a rule about never faking orgasms,” I garble against his chest as I nuzzle in deeper to the warmth that feels like home.

“Oh, that one I like. You can keep that one. Hm, maybe we just need to rewrite a few of them. Can I see the rules?”

“Literally, never.”

Joel’s laughter rings out loudly. “Fine, then from what I gather, how about this? Moving forward, expect that I will pick up all the tabs, because I can afford to and more importantly, Iwantto. We can spend the night with each other whenever we want. When I call you baby, it’d be great if you didn’t look like you wanted to hurl. And, for public displays of affection—we’ll keep the office professional, but if we’re walking to the Thai place for lunch and the sun hits you just right and you’re on the sidewalk looking like a dream, I may kiss you right then and there.” Joel’s shoulders rise then fall. “As far as the condoms and orgasms—those seem pretty solid as is. What do you think? Good revisions?”

I’m brave in Joel’s arms like this. I feel a strength rise in me when he holds me tight, like he wants me, in all therealways.

“I think I can make those work.” I sigh against him.

“Good.” Joel hums in satisfaction.

“Just one more thing, though…I like to kiss.”

“What?”

“The other night was um…fun, it’s just some parts felt kind of…pornographic? I mean, no that’s not right. It felt—” I give him a thumbs-up like the most childish idiot in the world. “It’s just I like to kiss, too. Is that weird? Are fun bunnies supposed to kiss?”

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