Page 73 of Rewrite the Rules

My heart is failing slowly. I poked a tiny un-patchable hole right through it. Now that I know what I know, I can’t go back. All I can do is hide in my bed, under my covers, until I bleed out, itty-bitty drop by drop.

I understand Quinn’s warning now. I needed someone who knew what a milestone this was for me and was open to something more. Someone to hold me tightly and let me cry tears of relief, and shock, and happiness against his chest as I crossed over this threshold.

But fuck buddies don’t sleep over. They don’t cuddle. They accept the inevitable end.

The tears continue to stream down my face as I sniffle into my pillow. I try to close my eyes and let exhaustion take me, but heartache is needy. She demands attention and refuses to give me even a moment’s break from this gnawing disappointment. I just have to lie here and take it until the calvary comes to save me.

I bite the bullet and wait, praying my text doesn’t go unread.

* * *

Joel

I debate calling or texting her, but I don’t know what to say. I have questions but I’m not ready for the answers. Was she about to cry when she left? Does she have real feelings for me? What if she wants more? What if I go down this rabbit hole yet again and in a year from now, I’m leaving Denver this time to escape a messy breakup? What if I try a relationship with Adler and I break her heart like I did Juliana’s? What if we stop laughing and joking and start fighting?

Where is she? What is she doing? Is she okay? Did she make it home? I should text her. I should give her space. I should stop asking all these fucking questions because she’s not actually mine to fuss over.

But, dammit. Wait, isn’t she?I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I let the water from the shower drench over me and close my eyes. I see Adler’s sapphire-blues sparkling against her heavy eyelashes. I picture them playfully lit up like when she educated Cody on the importance of Coors over Budweiser.I picture them half closed as she swam in the ecstasy of her orgasm with my hand between her legs and then later with me inside of her. Those blue gems. They are the answer key into exactly what she’s feeling.

I know she was crying.I just know it.

My phone vibrates against the bathroom counter. I step out of the glass encasement and don’t bother drying off. I wrap a towel around my waist and lunge for my phone. But it’s not Adler’s name I see.

Camilla:In town, have service for thirty. Call me if you can.

I dial my little sister instantly. It’s about five in the morning in Thailand. What the hell is she doing in town this early?

“Hey, Joely-Bowl!”

“Hell no. Hard veto.”

“Nothing good rhymes with Joel.”

“How are you, Cami? You missed our call last week. Everything okay?”

Cami’s line cuts in and out as she explains about a flooding issue and the main roads washing out and not being able to get cell service. I think.

“Anyways, I don’t have long. Just in town to pick up some supplies—”

“I’m so proud of you. You’re doing remarkable things for those children. I’m ready to fund whatever they need out there. Let me know how I can help.”

“Awww, Joel—that’s why you’re my favorite brother.”

“I’m going to need that in writing in the family group text.”

“No can do.”

“Why not?” I sit down on my bed and Felices paws at me territorially. When I refuse to move, he settles on rolling over and exposing his tummy, demanding belly scratches. I make a claw with my hand and he wiggles with glee.

“Because I just got off the phone with Jax and told him the same thing.”

“Okay, see…that just hurts.”

“You sound…kind of chill and cheery…you must not know.”

“Know what?”

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