Page 18 of Rewrite the Rules

Joel

All right, Denver—I’mreallygoing to need you to stop sucking now.

To be precise, we’re not in Denver. We’re in Manitou Springs but we might as well be in outer space. I’ve never been at an elevation this high before in my life. I didn’t realize I needed a space suit for this hike.

When Adler and I first reached the base of the incline, she started climbing without hesitation. I, on the other hand, stopped to stare at what looks like an abandoned wooden railroad staircase that leads straight into the sky. I think…I can’t actually see the end of it. Adler wants us to hike into the beyond—at a sixty-degree angle.

For the first ten minutes, I try to pace with her. I tower over Adler so my stride should easily overcome hers, but I’m in her element. She navigates the clunky, uneven steps without glancing down. Her toned legs have muscle memory. She’s wearing very short teal runner’s shorts so I can see her quadriceps bulge and brace her as she conquers each stair. She’s balanced and graceful, putting everyone else on the trail to shame.

After ten more minutes, I start lagging behind. I don’t mind. I like the view. The sun is in front of us, illuminating Adler’s silhouette so it looks like I’m chasing an angel. It’s just enough motivation to keep going.

But after another ten minutes it’s an entirely different story.

I’m wheezing. My throat is on fire. There’s not enough oxygen in the world. I’m certain I’m near seconds away from that prementioned heart attack. I press my palm against my chest to try and slow the angry pumping.

Adler steps to the side of the stairs and watches me basically crawl to her. She doesn’t let me slump. She grabs underneath my arms and presses upward.

“Grab your elbows over your head. Keep your arms elevated and breathe slow.”

“I swear…I’ve…exercised…before in…my life.” I try to make a joke but it falls flat between my desperate gasps for life.

“Clearly.” She chuckles mercilessly. “Save your breath.”

A few passersby express their concerns.‘Is he okay?’and‘Do you guys need help?’Adler thanks them but ushers them along.‘I got him, we’re okay. I’ll take care of him.’She scrambles for the water bottle in her pack and hands it to me. I succumb to the wooziness and slump onto the ground, letting my forearms dangle off my bent knees.

“Here.” She hands me a few gummy bears that she must’ve fished out of her pack. “These will help.”

“Sugar…helps?”

“No, sugar distracts. You’re huffing like that because you’re trying too hard to breathe normally, boss.”

“Please…stop…calling me…that.”

“Sorry, Joel—Hey! Your nose!”

I feel the blood drip half a second before she says it. Right on cue, because this situation isn’t quite humiliating enough.

Adler dives into action. She’s dressed in layers so she’s still covered when she peels off her outer tank top and shoves it against my nose. “Sorry, probably a little sweaty, but here. Now tilt your head back.” She goes rummaging in her pack again and I feel something cold against my neck. The flow instantly lessens.

“What is that?”

“My keys. It’s something my grandma taught me. It’s an old wives tale but copper on the back of the neck works like a charm every time for me.”

“And apparently for me.” As I catch my breath and my heart begins to slow, I notice Adler’s hands still lingering. One on the back of my neck pressing the cool metal into my skin. One against my chest, feeling my heartbeat. I hop up before the remaining blood in my body can surge downwards and I reallywillhave to report myself to HR. I stagger a bit. I swear the ground tilts.

“Whoa there. Slow.” Adler clutches my shoulders to steady me. I need her to stop touching me. It’s not helping me catch my breath. “Right behind me is the last bailout.” She juts her thumb over her shoulder.

“Bailout?” Why does that sound like a challenge to my masculinity?

“We can hop right on to Barr Trail now and take the switchbacks down the mountain. It’d be a leisurely stroll. Easy-peasy.”

I extend my legs trying to coax out the tension. I am going to be so fucking sore tomorrow. My entire bottle of ibuprofen liquid gels at home might not be enough.

“Or…” Adler holds her hand out.Of course, there’s an ‘or’.“The peak isn’t that much farther. I’ll slow way down and take it step by step right alongside you.”

“Maybe I should wait at the bottom of the trail for you. So,youcan finish.”

Adler’s face twists in indignation. “Hey, you’re my hiking buddy today. Whether up or down—we go together.”

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