Page 35 of Northern Stars

Her eyes flashed with emotions, and she nodded slightly. “You okay?” she mouthed back.

I gave her a half grin, and it dropped the moment she was out of eyesight.

All I could hear in my head was my father’s voice, telling me that I was a fucking idiot.

“Are you a fucking idiot?”Dad grumbled as I sat in our living room with Mom. Well, Mom and I sat. Dad stood tall with his arms crossed.

“Sam, the tone,” Mom said, cutting in. At least I had one parent in my corner.

“Screw my tone. Your son pummeled his fists into another boy’s face and got suspended for the rest of the week. We’re lucky I was able to talk to the principal into not expelling him. Who do you think you are, huh? Attacking another kid like that? You think that makes you tough? You think you’re a big man on campus because you can use your fists?”

I sat with my shoulders rounded forward and fingers entangled. I didn’t speak to him because I knew whatever I said would’ve been seen as an excuse, and my father didn’t believe in excuses. He believed in the Walters standard. We didn’t act out in public. We didn’t behave like savages. We didn’t create scenes.

We stood in line. We fought for important issues. We obeyed the law and never disrespected authority—my teachers and the administration of my school being the authority in this situation. If we did, the tabloids would report on it, and God forbid that happened.

“Oh, so you’re deaf?” he snapped, walking toward me. “Get off the couch.”

“Samuel—”

“Laurie, if you don’t see the disrespect he’s feeding me right now, then you aren’t looking hard enough.” He turned his attention back to me and away from Mom. “Get. Up.”

I stood, and I felt his intimidation wash over me. I stood at least four inches taller than my father, but still, whenever he was around me, I felt three feet tall.

“Lift your head,” he ordered.

I did as he said.

“Now look me in the eyes.”

I did as he said.

“Don’t say a word because I know whatever you say is going to be covered in excuses. All you do now is listen. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You will never act out in such a way again. Do you understand me?”

I swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“You are in the public eye now, too, Aiden. This could’ve ruined any career opportunity if this got out to the press. Don’t you get it? You’re not allowed to behave like a regular kid because you are not regular. You are more. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You could’ve ruined everything I worked for,” he said.

“Everythingyouworked for?” Mom asked in a sarcastic tone.

Dad grumbled. “Everything we worked for. You know what I meant.” He cleared his throat. “And you will apologize to that boy. I will take you to his house, and I will make sure it happens.”

“What?! No fucking—”

“Language!” he barked.

Fuck you, I silently replied.

I wished I had liked my father at that moment. I loved him, yes, but I wished I liked him.

In his eyes, I was my father’s biggest failure, and if anything, he hated the idea of failing.

---