Page 145 of Eastern Lights

We planned to meet at our favorite coffee shop.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?” Connor asked as we sat in the back of his car.

I gave him a lopsided smile. “Yeah. This is something I have to do on my own. But, can you wait for me? I’m not sure how this conversation is going to go, or if I’ll be in and out. But...”

“I’ll be right here. I’ll wait for however long it takes.”

My lips landed against his, and his kiss gave me an extra dash of courage. That was what Connor’s love did for me. It made me stronger every single day.

I climbed out of the car, allowing the snow to sweep against my cheeks as I tightened the belt on my wool coat. Marie was sitting inside the coffee shop already, staring down at her hands which were wrapped around a cup of coffee.

As I pushed the shop’s door open, a bell dinged overhead, noting my arrival. Marie instantly looked toward me, her eyes filled with pain.

Those eyes.

How didn’t I notice before how much they looked like mine?

Her eyes, and nose, and the slight dimple in her chin.

A wave of nausea hit me, but I didn’t run away. I allowed myself to feel the discomfort, because no feelings were unwarranted.

“Hi,” she breathed out, going to stand.

“No, it’s fine. Keep sitting,” I said, sliding into the chair across from her.

She eased back down, and returned her hands to her coffee cup. “I was going to order you a drink, but then again, I wasn’t certain you were going to show.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need anything.”

“I was surprised when you messaged me about meeting.”

“Yeah. Sorry it took so long. I needed time.”

“I get it, Aaliyah, I do. I’m just happy that you called. I know you probably think the worst things about me. And I know my reasoning doesn’t seem to make sense but—”

“Are you still with him? With Walter?”

Her eyes flashed with guilt. That was her answer, no words were needed.

“Now, I know it probably seems pathetic…” she started to explain.

“He’s a monster.”

“I can see why you’d think that, but…I mean, he…” She took a deep inhalation and released it slowly. “He’s all I’ve ever truly known.”

“Make a new story. Learn something else.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I didn’t say it was easy, but it’s always worth it.” Over the past few weeks, I thought about what I’d ask her. I thought about the questions that I’d have, the pain that I believed she could make dissipate with her replies, the missing pieces of my soul that maybe she could’ve filled. But, as I sat in front of her, I realized our conversation wasn’t about me. It was about her.

I’d already figured out how to love myself. Marie didn’t even know where to start. It turned out self-love wasn’t given to every individual by a certain age. Some people died without ever discovering themselves. Some individuals never were able to stare at their reflections and know that they were loved.

That thought alone made me sad, because I knew with a few different choices in my life, I could’ve been her. That could’ve been me. I was no better than any other person who didn’t know how to love themselves.

“I forgive you,” I whispered. “For your choices you made. For giving me up. For scheming to bring me back into your life. For the lies, the scandal. I forgive you.”

Her eyes flashed with hope as she reached across the table, placing her hands over mine. “You have no clue how much that means to me. Aaliyah, this is it. This can be a new start for you and me. We can—“

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