Deciding to shut down my computer without checking email, I grab my phone and download the app. Why I never did this before is beyond me? I’ve never really been big on using my cell phone for anything other than calling and texting. I don’t have game apps or social media on my phone that I obsess over all day long, so it’s not like my first thought was to download the PerfectDate.com app and turn on the notifications.

Yes! Turn on the notifications!

When it’s all set up (and I check my messages four different times just to make sure I didn’t miss anything), my stomach growls angrily, reminding me that I haven’t eaten much today at all. Grandma made breakfast, but I chose to drink an extra cup of coffee instead of having French toast with fresh maple syrup. Yeah, that hurt. It’s usually my fave, but with my guts all distorted like a game of Twister, I didn’t have much of an appetite.

Opening my fridge, I’m reminded once again of the man who lives across the hall. There’s not much inside the refrigerator that could constitute food, but what I do find warms my heart. Homemade mac and cheese with three kinds of cheese.

Another of my favorites.

Smiling, I take the clear plastic container from the fridge and head towards the microwave, sniffing the ooey, gooey cheesy goodness as I go. After sixty seconds, I stir the spiral noodles (because spiral noodles are way better than boring ol’ elbow macaroni noodles), and stick it back in for another minute. When the timer sounds, the perfect comfort food is ready.

Instead of eating at my table, I take the bowl, a bottle of water, and the bag of fresh cornbread muffins I found on the counter (thanks, Levi) into the living room and get cozy on the couch. It’s a quiet evening with nothing on TV, but even if I had found something worth watching, I’m not sure it would have held my attention.

A door closing in the hallway has me jumping off the couch. I wonder if it’s Levi? I mean, I suppose it could be my neighbor, Linkin, but I usually don’t hear his door as notably as I do Levi’s. Of course, it could be me just wanting it to be Levi.

Sighing, I return to my seat and take a deep breath. If it is him, I don’t need to storm the castle like some crazy ex-girlfriend, you know? We have a lot of issues to work out before I just fly across the hall and climb him like a tree. Jump him like a pro basketball player. Ride him like a cowboy. You get my point, right?

Now do you see why I’m so confused? I hate him, I want him. I push him away, then want to be wrapped in his arms.

But the thing is, I don’t hate him. Not even a little. What I feel is so completely the opposite of hate, that I can’t picture my life without him.

So it’s time to get my shit together, figure out if I can trust him with my heart, and lay it on the line.