I shudder to think how much worse things could have been if she’d woken up.

The rest of the drive home, I glance in the rearview mirror, expecting to see shadows following me.

But either the officer scared them away or they already delivered their message.

Because no one follows me home.

In the driveway, I shake my mom’s arm to rouse her. She isn’t drunk enough to be black out drunk, but she’s still difficult to wake.

When she finally does rouse, she stretches and laughs sleepily.

“I had fun tonight. It was good to spend time together, wasn’t it? I like knowing what’s going on in your life.”

I almost laugh in her face. She wants to know what’s going on in my life? She doesn’t know the half of it.

She lost her husband.

But I lost my dad, my best friend, and my mother in one fell swoop.

And my mom was too busy nursing her own heartbreak to ever notice mine.

So if she thinks all it takes is one night out to fix our problems, then I’m happy to be her rude awakening.

She is still talking, slurring on about something in the movie. But I get out of the car and shut the door behind me, leaving her inside.

When I reach the front door, I hear her say my name, but I don’t turn around.

Tonight, she can escort herself into the house and to bed. God knows I’ve done it enough times already.

Tonight, I’m worrying about myself.

I’m the only one who can.

23

Noah

Pre-Calculus has become a trigger.

Mrs. Frye is standing at the front of the room reading a word problem where she has clearly just inserted Cardi B into a pre-written sentence.

“Cardi B is a rapper. She receives a salary of $45,000 per year. In addition, she receives 7% of her royalties for the year. What amount of royalties would allow her to earn more than $56,900 per year…”

…And all I can think about is Penny squirming against a stall door.

Now, the time feels ripe to make that happen again.

Maybe it’s because of what happened this weekend.

Because of my past coming back to haunt me in the form of tattooed bikers with a vendetta.

So why shouldn’t Penny’s come back to haunt her?

After what she did to me and to my family…

I pull out my phone, hiding it behind my propped up calc book, and text her the same thing as before.

Bathroom. Now.