Page 15 of Scars He Gave Me (Bratva Crime Syndicate 2)

“Save it for someone who cares,” I mutter, but there’s no more sarcastic venom in my voice. Yes, this is the next step in that stereotypical, lame jock-nerd interaction. But there’s a reason they always show this happening in the movies—because it feels incredible.

He grabs my wrist in his broad hand. “I mean it,” he says. “Well, I really do need help with the health homework. But you should talk more.”

I’m still cautious. But there’s something genuine in his face. I shouldn’t trust it… I can’t trust it… but I do.

And thus begins two years that unfold like something out of my diary’s wildest fantasies.

I do talk more. And to my surprise, Tommy talks back. Just in class at first, and strictly about the assignments. Then in the hallways, and then in the parking lot before and after school.

From there, we go to the movies. And then ice skating.

I hear the whispers from the popular girls in the hallways—“What ishedoing withher?”—and they always sting a little bit. I’d be lying if I said they didn’t.

But when I’m with Tommy, I don’t care. He is infectious like that. All charming smiles and devil-may-care-attitude. When we spend a day riding ATVs on a farm outside of town where my mom works, he shows me how to sit and hold on so I don’t fall off when I open up the throttle all the way. I scream, but I love it.

I feel like a different person with him.

Freer. Happier.

After the day at the farm, we go to the Boulevard Diner for dinner and when he brings me home, he walks me to the door and stands beside me while I pull out my key. There’s an apple tree growing in front of the door—my dad’s pride and joy. That’s what I smell. That, and Tommy’s cologne, his sweat, his scent that no one else in the world can quite match.

Before I can slide the key into the lock—and I take my sweet, sweet time; I want this night to last forever—he covers my hand and uses it to tug me closer. He brings one hand up to cup my cheek while he strokes my skin with his thumb.

I stare at him. This is a moment I’ve waited for all my life. My first kiss. And I want to savor every second while it’s happening, then write down everything I felt as soon as it’s over. Just so I never forget a single detail.

He stares at me, then he lowers his head and I close my eyes just as his lips brush over mine. Slow at first, then he kisses me with his hand just above my ass, urging me closer and closer as the kiss deepens, until I can feel how hard he is.

This is a lot. More than I was ready for. It scares me, and I don’t know what to do with it. Or about it.

But then I think about sitting on the back of the ATV as we tore down back roads. How I felt terrified, but also like I was flying. That’s how this feels—kissing Tommy and feeling his body, his heat, his hardness.

I’m scared. But I love it.

So my first kiss turns into more than that.

And then one night turns into two years.

Two years of loving Tommy at school and outside of it.

Two years of feeling his muscular shoulders under my fingertips, his fluttering kisses against my thighs.

I see forever on the horizon with him. He sees it too, I think. Loving him and making love to him—it’s perfect. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

By our senior year, the whispers have mostly died down. People can see it, I think—how serious we are about each other. My mom is out of town one night, so Tommy and I make plans for him to come over for dinner.

I’ve been avoiding it for as long as possible. But I have to tell him tonight. The secret I’ve been keeping from him. I make a promise to myself—“I’ll do it tonight. I’ll tell him. He has to know.”

But when he comes over and embraces me, kisses me, I lose heart.Soon,I compromise.In a little while.

We eat the dinner I cooked—chicken and mashed potatoes—and then go upstairs to my bedroom, where we peel off each other’s clothes and fall into bed together, bare skin on bare skin, with the kind of urgent intensity that only two young people who love each other can have.

Afterwards, lying with my head on his chest, I think that now could be the time to tell him about the secret that’s burning up inside me.

But he’s stroking my hair in that way I love, and it’s such a sweet and tender moment that I don’t want to ruin it.

Soon,I say again.Just a little while longer.A few more minutes before I shatter this perfection.

We talk for a little while about what will happen next in our lives. I’ve always known I wanted to be a computer programmer. That means college. Tommy is less certain. One day he wants to be a professional BMX racer. Another day, he wants to join the military. Some days I convince him that he’s smart enough to go to college too, but most of the time he doesn’t believe me when I tell him that.

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