Page 68 of Corrupted Queen

“It’s safe,” I say, offering her my hand.

Alexis’ eyes widen at the sight of the dried blood, but she takes my hand and climbs out with Harry pressed tight to her hip.

“What happened?” Alexis asks.

The boat’s engine rumbles to life and we begin to move. I walk to the sofa and sink onto it, running a hand through my hair. My gut quivers, an uncomfortable sensation that I worry will not go away for a long time.

Alexis joins me on the couch. She is pale, sickly looking, and takes shaky and uneven breaths. Harry’s face is red. I wonder if he cried the entire time.

“Patrick Walsh attacked us,” I tell her.

I don’t even think of censoring myself. After what I put her through today, she deserves the truth.

“He betrayed our alliance,” I continue. “I don’t know whether there were ever Irish rebels in the first place or if it was part of his plan the whole time, but it doesn’t matter now. He’s dead.”

Alexis’ eyes scan me from head to toe, and she zeroes in on my arm. “You’ve been shot.”

She reaches out gingerly with shaking fingers, but I push her hand away.

“I’m fine,” I say.

I’d forgotten all about the wound, and the pain comes back into focus, stinging with a needle-like intensity. My chest hurts, too, from the shots to my vest. I want to remove it, but I will wait until we are back onshore and I know for sure the others are not coming back.

I welcome this pain. t means I am alive.

Harry sniffles and looks over at me, his face pinched. “Dada,” he whimpers. “Scary!”

I don’t know if he is saying that I am scary or that the situation is, but either way the terror in his eyes smarts more than any bullet wound could. I realize in that moment that as much as I try to tell myself that Alexis and Harry can be a part of this life, I’m wrong. I am asking too much of them. I am pushing them too far.

“We’ll be back soon,” I say gruffly, getting to my feet.

Alexis reaches for my hand. “Where are you going?”

I gently extricate myself, swallowing hard. “I’m going to check on everyone else and call ahead to the house for extra security.”

I am going to do these things, but more importantly I’m going to put some distance between us because right now I don’t deserve to take comfort in their presence. I am a danger to my own family and something needs to change.

* * *

The hot water beats against the back of my neck. I pull the steamy air deep into my lungs, as though I might be able to cleanse myself from the inside, and watch as the water swirls pink down the drain.

So much blood. And so little of it is mine.

I take inventory of my body, flexing my arm. The shallow gash complains bitterly, but it’s just a graze. My torso blooms with ugly red and purple bruises from the bullets I took to the vest, but those are superficial wounds too.

I made it out with barely a scratch, yet I hurt more after this battle than I ever have.

When the water starts to run clear, I turn the shower off and step out, though I don’t feel any cleaner. I may as well still be covered in Vito’s blood. I can almost smell it, the metallic twang forever embedded in my nostrils.

After a long, silent drive back to the house, Alexis took Harry upstairs and I considered following her. I wanted to be in her presence more than anything else in the world, but I didn’t feel worthy of it. Not covered in Vito’s blood. Not while Corie played with Nuri in their apartment, as yet unaware that she was a widow.

I might never feel worthy of Alexis and Harry again, but I need to start trying to be.

So I make some calls, and I shower away my best friend’s blood, and then I drive out personally to deliver the news. I owe Vito that, at the very least.

Corie collapses the second she sees me in the doorway. I can see in her eyes that she has always feared this would happen, and I have just made her worst dreams come true.

I reach for her hand to pull her back up, but Corie twists out of my grasp. She doesn’t say a word, but the hatred in her eyes says enough. I tell her that she and Nuri will be taken care of, that they will never want for anything for the rest of their lives. I tell her that if there’s anything else she needs, all she has to do is name it and I will make it happen. She is under my protection.

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