Page 18 of His Virgin Vessel

I started crying again. I wasn't sure if it was because of how stupid I felt or because, as it turned out, my sister knew me better than I had imagined. Why was Risa so perfect? Why couldn't I be more like her?

Once I had calmed down a bit, and Risa had gotten us both a cocoa, we talked more sensibly.

"Why him?"

"I love him," I said, simply.

"I'm not sure you do, Cor." Risa shook her head. "There's a lot of emotions going on in there at the moment, and I'm not sure they're leading you the right way."

"Everyone's against him!"

Risa nodded. "And I think that might be your answer. I know that's how you feel—like the whole world is against you. And maybe you saw Asa as a kindred spirit, someone who would understand how you felt. But the thing is, the world isn't really against you. I'm on your side. Dad is, too, in his own way. There are people who love you. No one is out to get you. Whereas there are a lot of people out to get Asa, because he's a criminal."

I stamped my feet, which probably didn't help me look any less like a little girl. "He's innocent until proven guilty!"

Which was true, but, of course, I knew that there was a book somewhere in this house that proved him guilty. And, of course, Asa had told me that he was guilty. I just didn't care.

"I think you can do better, Cor." Risa laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Look, I'm glad you lost your virginity to someone you at least think you care about. I'm glad it was a great experience. Mine was thirteen seconds of awkwardness, followed by an apology. It was an important moment in your life, and I'm not trying to detract from that, but ... I think that now you have to move past it. Keep it in your heart and treasure it always, but now you can find a guy who deserves you."

I loved that Risa actually thought that I was worth something. She was a great sister. But she was still wrong. I wanted Asa.

# # #

I lay in bed later that night, staring at the ceiling. Asa had said that the book with all his clients in it was going to put him away. That implied that, without the book, there was no evidence. And that book was in this house.

I started out of bed and made for the door. Dad's office was sure to be locked, but I knew where he kept the key in his bedroom, and Dad was a heavy sleeper.

I stopped.

Then he would know that it was me. If the door was unlocked and the book gone, then there were only two people in the world who could have taken it, and he was hardly going to suspect Risa.

Even if I was willing to let my dad think that of me, to hurt him still further, then he would only have to search my room to find the book, and nothing would be achieved.

What if I went in from the outside and made it look like a burglary? But even then, chances were that my room would be the first place Dad would search. The sad truth was that that was the point to which our relationship had sunk.

A fresh idea occurred. I dressed as quickly as I could, climbed out the window and slid down the tree. I was running the risk of Dad catching me, of course, but that couldn't be helped. This time the keys to Dad's truck were in their usual place, and I was soon on the road, driving as fast as I could for town. I had to be back before Dad woke, or all this was for nothing.

Fiona's bar was still open when I arrived, and I entered cautiously. The bar was empty, and Fiona herself was cleaning glasses. She looked up as I entered, and her face hardened.

"We're closed."

"I don't want a drink."

"Is there another of my friends you want to put in jail?"

"That wasn't my fault!" I begged.

Fiona gave a humorless laugh. "No, you just happen to be fucking him in the closet when your Dad turns up. I know your type—thrill seekers. Maybe I used to be one myself when I was your ... actually, I was younger than you. By the time I was your age, I was already married and divorced. Some of us have to grow up fast while others," she looked pointedly at me, "never grow up at all. I don't mind you getting your rocks off by screwing Asa while your dad's in the next room, I mind him getting sent down just so you could have a cheap thrill!"

How much of that was fair? More than I would have liked. But there was no sense in feeling sorry for myself.

"I want to help Asa."

"Little late for that."

"I know where the book is."

Fiona looked up sharply. Clearly she knew what I was talking about. "Asa's little black book?"

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