Page 72 of His Virgin Vessel

"So he can explain to her why she never got to know her father?" I asked.

"Is that any life for a baby?" Risa asked. "Seeing Daddy on visiting days."

"Better than not having a Daddy at all," I retorted, without thinking.

"Exactly," Risa said, a little smugly.

"Do you agree with him?" I tried not to ask angrily. I really wanted to know what my sister thought.

Risa sighed. "It's a shit situation, Cor. Nobody wins in this. It's never going to be how it ought to have been. What I do know is that the shoot-out at the warehouse tore him apart. I don't think he's been the same man since. Don't confuse his objections to Asa, now, with his objections to Asa before. Way back when all this started, he didn't like Asa. Now, I think he'd get down on his knees and kiss Asa's feet for what he did that day. But he knows the risk Asa poses to you, and he can't bear the thought of you being in that situation again. It's not about Asa. It's about you."

"But it's my decision."

Risa shrugged. "Yeah, it probably is. But come back to me in a few years when that little thing inside you has done a bit of growing, and tell me if there is anything you wouldn't do to keep her safe, even if that meant her hating you."

Risa has an irritating habit of saying things that make me see other people's point of view.

"I can't live in a bubble," I muttered, kicking at the dirt.

"He knows that. But if wishing made it so."

"I don't want things between me and Dad to get as bad as they were before."

"He doesn't either."

"Then why does he have to be so damn stubborn?"

Risa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's all him. Thank God you didn't inherit that."

"He could have stood up for Asa," I insisted. "That might have made a difference. Now he's in jail for who knows how long, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, and, I swear, Dad is actually pleased!"

"I wouldn't say pleased."

"What would you say?"

Risa hedged. Perhaps 'pleased' was the wrong word. Dad didn't like the way that things had worked out for Asa, especially after he had saved me. On the other hand, having Asa out of my life was exactly what he had wanted. It was the only way he felt secure in my safety. 'Satisfied' was perhaps the word. That was one of the reasons I had moved to live above Fiona's bar, a place that was as spiritually close to Asa as I could get. I was tying myself to his life, even as my Dad forced a wedge between us. In a way, I suppose, I might have been putting myself in danger again, but I didn't see it that way.

Joseph Hartman came out of the side door of the bar that led up to my new apartment. "I've tidied up a bit for you. Fiona said to give you the key."

Joseph had to be the most amiable outlaw biker I had ever met. He really didn't seem cut out for this life, although he apparently had a temper on him. He was always respectful, courteous, deferential to women, and as well-spoken as you could want. There was probably a big story behind Joseph Hartman, and I planned to learn about it one of these days.

"Thanks for your help," I said.

Joseph shrugged off my thanks. "Asa asked me to look out for you any way I could."

That was one reason I didn't feel that my staying in touch with Asa's world put me in danger. Maybe there were people out there with a grudge against him, but there seemed to be far more who liked and respected him. The residual goodwill for Asa that hung around, even once he was behind bars, was considerable. A friend of Asa's was never short of a whole bunch of other friends. I guess dad must have understood that, but he didn't like situations that he couldn't control, involving people whom he didn't know. He wanted to keep me in the house with the same people (preferably just him and Risa) forever. That was his definition of safety. I couldn't help thinking that it sounded very similar to the sort of 'safety' in which Asa was currently incarcerated.

"Not sure if this was specifically what he had in mind when he said to look after you," admitted Joseph, "but I guess it's a start."

"Have you seen him?" I asked. If I couldn't see Asa myself, then talking to someone who had seen him was the next best thing, which just went to show how desperate I was.

"Not recently," replied Joseph. "But I know what he wants."

"You miss him, don't you?" Risa asked. She was good at picking up on the feelings of others.

"Yeah," Joseph admitted. It was not the sort of thing he could have said to any of his old War Cry comrades, but he felt safe enough admitting it to two girls. "Still, I haven't given up hope."

"Really?" I couldn't help wondering if he had any cause for that, something that might have given me hope too.

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