Page 38 of His Virgin Vessel

Chapter Fifteen

Corinne

No matter how long I slept, I always felt groggier if I slept during the day. It was really weird waking up in the afternoon, and my body clock was all over the place, but it was weirder still being woken by Asa, clearly in a rush.

"Get dressed. We have to go."

He didn't tell me why until we were in the car, when he said that it was checkout time for the motel, and he didn't have the money to pay for another day. I didn't believe that one bit. There was something he wasn't telling me, and if his edgy demeanor wasn't enough to make me think that, then it was reinforced by the fact that he had been there to wake me in the first place.

I had been prepared to wake alone. In fact, I had been expecting it. Not that I wanted to find Asa gone. It was just that I didn't think there was anything I could do to stop him. He had argued that there was no longer any practical reason for us to stay together, and I had had no real answer to that. He was right that he was in greater danger while I was around, and that I was in greater danger staying with the leader of War Cry. I didn't care about my being in danger, but I cared about him, and I guessed the reverse was true for him. So, I was pretty confident that I would wake up to find that he had taken off by himself, avoiding further argument. It was a pleasant surprise, therefore, to be woken by him, have him usher me into the car, and back out onto the road. But it was a surprise that I couldn't figure out.

On the face of it, the only reason for us to stick together seemed to be because we wanted to— which I certainly did, however selfish it might be. Was it too much to hope that, during the night, he had come around to my point of view? Had the early morning sex somehow made him realize how much he really loved me, to the extent that he couldn't bear to let me go?

It would be nice to think that, but even at my most optimistic, I couldn't really convince myself that it might actually be true.

So, something had happened while I slept. Something that Asa had decided to keep from me. Something that meant we had to stay together, for now, at least. Whatever it was, I was pretty happy about it, and so decided not to question it.

We stopped for gas, and I went into the little gas station shop and bought food that we could eat on the road.

"Could we find a diner?" I asked.

"Let's keep moving," Asa replied. He said it with forced casualness, but I read more into it.

We took turns driving, so the other could eat. I began to feel as if we were Bonnie and Clyde, on the run from the law. Which, in a way, we were. But, in another way, we were very much not. We were a stunningly innocent Bonnie and Clyde, an unlucky pair who had wound up in this situation through bad decisions and bad luck, comforted by each other's presence. Even as I thought it, I knew how naive that sounded. I really was a child, living a romantic bad-girl fantasy, when the reality was anything but.

"Keep an eye out for anywhere we can spend the night," Asa said.

Evening was closing around us fast and, though we had slept much of the day, I was still feeling pretty tired.

"Why do you do what you do?" I asked, broaching a subject that, until now, I had not dared to raise.

Asa frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You're smart, and you're a decent person. You could be anything you wanted. Why this?"

"You don't like this?" Asa teased me.

"I think we both know how much I like this,’" I said. "But we also both know that I have some problems with getting off on danger and disobedience. Also, while I like this," I roughly indicated Asa, "Over the last day, I've found that what I really like is this." I laid a hand on his heart. "You keep it hidden, and I'd like to see more of it."

"I think that would endanger my position."

"Good. Like I said, you could be anything you wanted."

Asa shook his head. "People like me only end up one way. You can't change who you are. You can pretend to be a bad girl, but it won't make you one. I could pretend to be a good guy, but it won't make me one."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you remember when you told me off for talking like a clichéd 'bad girl'? That cuts both ways, you know."

Asa laughed. "I guess there are worse people than me."

"So why do you do it?" I returned to my original question.

"When I was a kid, this is what there was." Asa kept his eyes on the road as he spoke. "It was this, or stay at home. And home wasn't an option. Home wasn't really a home. I guess kids of any age look for a family, and I found mine kind of late. I knew that what War Cry did wasn't legal, but it was a place I was accepted, appreciated, and treated well. Ironically, I felt safe. If anyone tried to hurt me then, suddenly, there was this whole bunch of other guys who had my back. I felt part of something for the first time in my life, and I really didn't care what I had to do to get that."

I nodded. "I can see how that would happen. But now you never have to worry about your parents again. You're your own man. So why stick with it?"

"I guess partly because it's become who I am," Asa admitted. "I wouldn't know who I was, if I wasn't president of War Cry. But also because there are people who rely on me. People who I let down if I'm not there." A strange look came over his face, as if he was thinking of something else, something that he, apparently, could not share with me.

"You don't have an obligation to them," I pointed out. "You have a right to live your own life."

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