Page 96 of Stepping Into Tomorrow

“We never should have been married in the first place. The only reason we did was because I was pregnant with Eli. Robert did what he thought was the right thing at the time. And I loved him—at least, what I thought was love. Both our parents pressured us to tie the knot before the baby came. We were young and went along with it.” Isabella took a breath. This was the hard part. She’d only admitted the truth to two close friends. “I thought for the longest time the problems in our marriage were my fault. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t desirable.”

Nash’s grip on her shoulder tightened. His voice came out harsh. “That’s why you asked me if you were good in bed that night? Did he make you feel that way?”

She cleared her throat, too afraid to look at him as she admitted this. “Robert was gay.”

Nash was silent for so long that Isabella had no choice but to peek up at him. She wasn’t sure what she expected to find in his expression, but it wasn’t anger.

His jaw ticced as rage blazed in his eyes. “He knew that and still married you? Put you through that?”

Oh, he’s upset on my behalf.

“No. It wasn’t like that. We were eighteen. So young, and fresh out of our parents’ homes. Robert came from a very conservative upbringing. He’d repressed that part of himself. He’d never been with a man before. We were each other’s firsts.”

Nash’s jaw clenched.

“He came out to me, and I felt this massive relief.” Tears blurred her vision. “It all made sense. The reason he didn’t initiate sex or why he’d rather stay up and talk together than make love.”

“You blamed yourself for his lack of interest,” Nash confirmed.

She nodded. “I was at the end of my rope. I was miserable, but I felt so guilty because he was such a good man and an amazing dad to Eli. But I knew I couldn’t continue my life being that unhappy. So, I sat him down and told him, and he confessed to me he thought he was gay.”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say to that . . . but you stayed married?”

“Yes. We were getting everything in order to file and he was going to move out, and we were going to tell Eli, but then Robert got diagnosed with ALS.” She wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks. “It’s a death sentence. And we didn’t know how long we’d have him for while his body slowly shut down. I couldn’t be the one to take time away from Eli with his dad that he would never get back. And Robert needed me. His parents didn’t want anything to do with him after they found out he was gay. I was all he had.”

“So you stayed married to him and took care of him for years?” Nash asked.

“His disease progressed rather quickly. But once we’d accepted the news, Robert insisted on making lists. Things he wanted to do with Eli before he lost control of his muscles and couldn’t move freely or talk. He even made me a list.” She pulled out her phone. “So I would have something to guide me through the challenging months ahead. You were on that list.”

“What?”

She handed him the phone, pointing to the section telling her to have a one-night stand.

Nash looked at her as she took the cell back and set it on the dashboard. “That’s why you came up to me?”

“That’s what gave me the confidence to talk to you. I hadn’t planned for it to go all the way—or get knocked up again. But yeah, this is what set all this in motion.”

“What does that part on the list mean? ‘Stepping into tomorrow’?”

“It’s something Robert used to say. When bad stuff happened or we were stressed about one thing or another, he’d tell me to focus on what I could control and take the first step. He shortened it by saying that. You keep taking one step, and before you know it, the sun will rise again.”

“He sounds like a smart man.”

She smiled. “He was.”

“How does Phillip fit into this? Is he Robert’s brother?”

A bark of laughter escaped her as she shook her head. “No, Phillip was Robert’s boyfriend.”

Nash’s eyes rounded and his mouth dropped open. “What? He . . . he cheated on you while you were—fuck, Bella.” His hand fisted as he brought it to his forehead and then back down, like he couldn’t contain the angry energy pulsing in the cab of the truck.

Isabella turned her body to face him, placing her hand on his fist. “No, no. It’s not like that. Our marriage ended the day he came out to me and we decided to file for a divorce. Probably long before that if I’m being honest. We stayed legally married, but we decided that we would stay friends and we’d both be free. One night when we were out celebrating him coming out, we ended up at a gay bar in the city, and this man approached Robert for a dance. The way they looked at each other—I’ve never been a believer in love at first sight, but I witnessed it with my own eyes. In the almost ten years of marriage we’d shared, Robert never looked at me like that—like I was everything. Was it bittersweet? Absolutely. Was I jealous? Surprisingly, no. When he was on the dance floor, I texted him to say I’d get home on my own and to have fun.”

“He just left you?”

“We’d already discussed that being a possibility. He had a one-night stand of his own on his list. He didn’t think it was fair to start a relationship with someone when he was dying. But Phillip was persistent, and he stuck by Robert and me until the end. I mean, he’s still here for us. Checks in with us, keeps in contact with Eli. He’s the one who came up with the idea of being called Uncle. We didn’t want Eli to have to deal with the drama of our relationship status on top of the fact that his father was dying. That’s too much for any kid to handle.”

Two hands cupped her face as Nash leaned in, his breath mixing with hers.

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