Page 29 of Stepping Into Tomorrow

14

NASH

Nash pulled the tumbler to his lips, downing the rest of the whiskey glass. Normally, he’d savor the notes of vanilla and oak, enjoying the whiskey like it should be. But this week wasn’t just any week. His world had been rocked off its axis days ago. He needed something to take the edge off. Something to numb the fear vibrating through his veins. Quiet the chaos in his mind.

He sighed and tipped his head back in the chair, staring at the blank ceiling. Heavy metal music screamed from his speaker—“Popular Monster” by Falling in Reverse was a song that spoke to his soul.

His hand held the pen to the worn notebook where he’d just finished pouring out his soul in splashes of ink and lines of words woven together in a way that made him breathe a little easier. Getting it out gave him the smallest reprieve, like he could take a breath after drowning in his pain.

His parents would no doubt be ecstatic to have another grandchild—but first he’d tell Bella.

Bella had wanted to know how involved he wanted to be. The answer was one hundred percent. He’d go to the appointments—fuck, he’d be at every doctor’s appointment. And once their child was born, he’d change diapers—thankfully, he’d had practice with his niece. He’d do midnight feedings. Wait, can the baby even be away from its mom so soon? They’d find a way to work it out. Co-parent—wasn’t that what people called it these days? He’d be there for his child. He’d provide financially, and he’d show up in every way he was capable.

His son would have him there every step of the way. And if he had a daughter? Shit. Well, that thought terrified him even more than the fact that he was going to be a dad. There was just something about a girl, knowing how vulnerable they were. How much shit they’d have to deal with in life because they were born with a vagina. One thing was certain: if he did have a daughter, she’d know how to defend herself. How old did a kid have to be to start learning self-defense?

“Hey, fucker!” a voice shouted over the music.

Nash sat up, tucking the notebook under his thigh as something hard hit his foot. His brother, Roman, grimaced and waved towards the speakers. “Can you turn that shit down?”

Nash grabbed his phone, hitting the control to stop the music. “Ever heard of knocking, asshole?”

Roman grabbed the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, squinting at the label. “I did. If you didn’t have the music so loud, you would know that. Shit, man, I heard it from the driveway. What the hell are you listening to that white-boy noise for?”

Nash grunted.

His brother set the bottle back down. Nash scooped it up and poured himself another two fingers.

“Bad day?” Roman asked, sitting on the arm of the couch.

I found out I’m gonna be a dad this week, so bad? More like fucking life-changing.

“Where’s my niece?” Nash leaned forward on his elbows.

“At Mom and Dad’s already. I’ve been sent to fetch you for dinner since you didn’t respond to anyone’s texts.”

Nash picked up his phone, eyes catching on the missed calls and unopened texts. “I’ve been busy.”

“You already drunk? It’s barely past six.”

“No, I’m not drunk. I was getting a good buzz going until you ruined it.” He swirled the amber liquid in the glass.

“You could tell me, you know, if something was bothering you. I’m here for you, bro. We all are.”

Nash gritted his teeth. No one will understand.

“You and Ricky have a good week?”

Roman hesitated as if he wanted to push. He sighed and nodded. “Yeah, the bees are busy making honey and the yards all look healthy. Inspector is coming by next week.”

Nash nodded, eyes unfocused in his sparse living room. He’d begun building this house for him and Ana. They’d talked about it for years. But she wasn’t here to see it completed. And when it came to filling it with things . . . nothing felt right. He’d only let Nova add the bare minimum.

“You changing before dinner? You look like shit,” his brother helpfully pointed out.

“I’m not up for dinner tonight.”

“You missed the last two. Besides, Nova’s got a new roommate she’s bringing. Mom wants us all there to welcome her.”

“I don’t do company. You know this.”

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