Page 104 of Wicked Dix

He shakes his head. “No need for apologies. What’s done is done.”

I decide to leave out the fact that this wasn’t the first time Rebecca waved her cooch in my face. I figure, why kick a man when he’s down? “I suppose I owe you a thank-you.”

“You owe me nothing. Just keep your nose clean. We can’t afford any more bad press,” he counters, butting out his cigarette. “We can make whatever you did go away. Just let me know if you ever need me.”

I nod, grateful for the “get out of jail free” card. It’s now official—Juliet has nothing over me any longer. You’d think I’d be happy or relieved. Instead, I feel numb.

I feel like I should offer some kind of condolences as I did kind of break up his relationship. But funnily enough, I’m not sorry. I’m sorry he’s hurting, but I’m not sorry I helped him see that the Juliets and Rebeccas of this world are nothing but trouble.

“If you ever need to talk, I’m here or whatever,” I say uncomfortably, feeling like a complete pussy.

Chad chuckles and slaps me on the shoulder. “Thank you, Dixon. Maybe I could do the same for you,” he wisely says.

Although he saved me from major embarrassment and shame, he knows that whatever demons I have will never go away. Even if I confessed my sins, the disgrace and remorse would remain with me forever.

“Right, then.” He clears his throat, probably as uncomfortable with the touchy-feely crap as I am. “I have some business to take care of. Thanks for the cigarette.”

“Any time.” And I mean it. He gives me a final nod before going back inside.

I need a moment to process everything because life doesn’t get any more complicated than this. My minute is short-lived, however. “Dr. Mathews, may I join you?”

Max is standing behind me, waiting for my permission. “Of course, Dr. Wellington.” He shuffles over while I butt out my smoke.

I have so many things I wish to say, but I don’t know where to start. I’m utterly embarrassed that a man I highly respect and admire just witnessed my inexcusable outburst. Not to mention, he no doubt knows what went on behind closed doors.

But in true Maxwell Wellington style, he seems to overlook the madness. “So I think the lamb was rather dry, don’t you?”

I can’t stop my laughter from bubbling out of me freely. After the past few weeks, it’s nice to laugh and actually mean it. After I’m done cackling like a fool, I sigh. “Thank you, Max. You saved my ass tonight.”

He shakes his head. “You would have done the same for me.”

“Of course I would have, but I’d hope you’d have more sense than me,” I counter, smiling.

There’s a slight pause before Max grows serious. “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, Dixon. But that’s what makes us human. To be unfeeling, that’s what makes us inhuman. Whatever you’ve done, I can see you’re sincerely sorry for it.”

“That I am. I can’t take back what I’ve done, but I sure as hell can learn from it.” And I have. It’s just unfortunate that to learn my lesson, I had to lose the best thing in my life.

“The world needs a hero, Dixon. And you’re it,” Max says, surprising me.

“I’m no hero, Max. I never was.”

He stubbornly pulls in his lips. “Yes, you are. What you did in there took some balls. And in my eyes, I still believe no one is more deserving of that award.”

I appreciate his vote of confidence, but I don’t feel the same. “Thank you. Your faith in me means a lot.”

“It’s not only my faith. It’s the faith of others as well.” I watch with interest as he reaches into his pocket and produces a shard of glass.

I can’t believe my eyes when I see my name staring back at me on the jagged piece. For this to survive is truly a miracle. And Max knows it, too.

“One must have chaos in oneself to be able to…”

“Give birth to a dancing star,” I conclude, quoting Nietzsche.

Dr. Wellington is an incredibly smart man. He’s also a man filled with hope and compassion. “I can only hope that I grow into the man you are,” I sincerely confess.

He warmly reaches out to pat my shoulder. “Only hope to be you, Dixon. Be yourself because everyone else is already taken.”

This exchange has somehow left me feeling…lighter. The heaviness is still there, but I don’t feel like I’m drowning.

---