Page 21 of The Princess and the Nerd

“He ate them raw, out of the bag, cold, like a Neanderthal,” his auntie reveals with a sage nod. “Truly concerning behavior. I’m surprised he turned out this normal.”

“Auntie,” Hardeep says with a sigh. “That’s too personal.”

I can’t help giggling madly at this. The man who left me that scathing review doesn’t toast his toaster pastries. Who knew?

We finish up our dinner together, and it’s delightful. Not just because of the unexpected foot massages.

But after the food, Auntie takes me aside.

“Listen, I know our customs are probably very strange for a white girl—and you are probably growing impatient with Hardeep. But please understand, he is just trying to be a good boy.”

“I’m sorry?” I ask her, with confusion.

“Us Indians, we do not have sex before marriage, it is not allowed. So just be patient with him, right? He is a very sweet boy, very innocent little virgin.”

I nearly cough. That man? With those muscles? And those glasses? My eyebrows are raised very high, incredulously. “Oh. I—I didn’t know that.”

“Don’t pressure him. Just be gentle. Be understanding. Be patient.”

“Of course. No rush here,” I tell her softly. “I’ll wait for him.”

“He is delicate flower—always been very sensitive.”

I nearly burst out laughing at this. “Really?”

“So gentle, he might as well be an eunuch.”

My eyes grow wide. “Oh… I see.”

“I know lots of girls are intrigued by his name—they say, oh, he’s called Hardeep, must be very hard, go very deep, but no, I assure you, it’s nothing of the sort. Very soft, very shallow. Just the tip—just the skin, barely the foreskin, over the clothes. Raged PG-13 at a maximum.”

“I don’t think I really need to know this information,” I inform her, clearing my throat.

“You should know everything about a man you’re involved with,” Auntie says.

“I should have known he was a virgin from the fact that he never toasted a toaster pastry. It’s clear that he missed a critical stage of his childhood development,” I comment sadly. “That tells me everything I need to know.”

“You two will be okay,” Auntie says, patting my arm. “As long as you always treat each other with kindness and understanding. You can overcome any difficulty together.”

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