Page 10 of Christmas in July

“No one cares!” she shrieks through the phone, so loudly that I have to pull it away from my ear. I flinch as the high-pitched screech penetrates my skull.

Leilani moves to my side defensively. She places a hand on my arm to comfort me, as she takes the phone away from my wounded ear.

“Hello, Henrietta?” she says into the receiver.

“Yes… who the hell are you?” the older woman responds.

Leilani blinks, and frowns. Then she smiles, a little evil smile.

“I’m Teddy’s new girlfriend,” she responds, “and I’ve heard so much about you. I promise that this trip will be all about our experiences as acouplein Snowflake Creek, and I won’t let him visit any rocks.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Henrietta says. “Please! Please for the love of god, keep him far away from anything resembling a big rock. And don’t let him near any measuring tapes, or he’ll measure the damn rock. Use the company budget however you like, but please just get me a good article.”

“You’ve got it, ma’am,” she says with an angelic smile. “Since there’s two of us now, we might have slightly more expenditures, food and whatnot—maybe aslightlybetter car than the little economy thing Teddy was planning to rent.” Her eyes twinkle at me.

No. She doesn’t really mean…?

Suzy is also nodding and smiling.

“Go ahead, my darling,” Henrietta is saying. “Just fix him.”

“Oh, yes, I will,” Leilani is saying as she takes the car keys away from me and swirls them on her finger. “I’m committed to showing Teddy a wonderful,romantic, unforgettable time in Snowflake Creek. You can expect a big change in his writing.”

“Thank you Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the little donkey,” Henrietta responds.

When Leilani hangs up the call, she makes a face. “Holy shit! That woman is the ultra-evil demon boss from hell. How dare she scream at you like that? If she’s covering your travel expenses, you better take the fucking Lamborghini! And eat at the best freaking restaurants, and order the best steak and lobster dinners! Plus the most expensive bottles of wine!”

“Did you just save my ass by pretending to be my girlfriend?” I ask her in disbelief.

“Yes, but only because your boss is the biggest, bitchiest, most bitchtastic, bitcheriffic bitch I’ve ever met in my life!” Leilani says, her hands on her hips, fuming mad.

“Uh,” I say, scratching my nose. “You probably shouldn’t call her that.”

“Why not?” Leilani demands.

“Because she’s not just my boss… she’s also my mother.”

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