Page 24 of Christmas in July

CHAPTER 14

LEILANI

It has been hours since the conversation with Theodore’s mother. I’ve spent hours pacing back and forth in this hotel room, with a thousand fears filling my mind. When I finally hear the door open, I gasp, and walk to the front to greet him.

“Hey, little lady,” he says cheerfully. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch today. I must have left my phone here, and I got so caught up with working, that I lost all track of time.”

“Theodore,” I say sternly. “Please—please sit.”

“What’s going on?” he asks. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Please, sit,” I say again. “I need to talk to you. Now.”

“Okay,” he says softly, moving to follow my instruction. “What’s wrong, Lani?”

“Have you ever been married?” I ask him quietly.

I can see the answer across his face. The question hits him like a stab to the gut. Fuck! I’m so stupid.

“Yes,” he says softly, looking down as if it causes him pain.

“I knew it,” I say, pacing back and forth. “I knew it—this always happens to me. It seems perfect, and you seem perfect, and everything is wonderful, and then the other shoe drops on my head. Just blam! Just falls out of the sky and hits me right in the face, like a fucking mountain.”

That bitchy woman was right. I hoped and prayed that she was lying to me, but she was telling the truth. However, Teddy is not making any excuses, or justifications, as most men would do in these situations. He’s just looking at the floor, and twisting his bracelet around and around his wrist.

“And I bet you’re not divorced either, right?” I ask him, accusingly.

“No,” he responds softly, his hand white as he clutches his wrist.

“Where is she now?” I ask him.

He takes a moment before he can respond. I swallow, afraid of what he’ll say. I see that he can barely get the words out. I want to be angry, and furious, and storm out of this hotel room. Presidential suite be damned. But I somehow still want to believe that he’s not like the rest. There must be a good explanation. I’ve never wanted there to be a good explanationso badly. I’ve never wanted to stand here and listen.

Tell me anything, Teddy. Tell me lies. I just want a reason to stay.

Maybe I’ve used all the failings of the men I’ve been with as a crutch. As an easy escape plan. Maybe it was convenient that they had such glaringly awful dealbreakers, so that I could walk away and say that it wasn’t my fault.

No. That’s not true. I wanted it to work out, even with them. Sometimes, I was the innocent girl sitting there and believing that some asshole was about to get a divorce. And then he didn’t.

Now… I don’t want an escape route.

I desperately want this to all be okay. I want to stay with him, and somehow make this real.

I want to believe in someone, for once. I just want to stand right here and listen.

I pray and pray that this will all work out, somehow.

I have no idea how, but I have to believe. I have to cast aside all my fear and believe.

I just don’t see him as the type of person to ever hurt a woman. Not the way I’ve watched so many men hurt their wives without a second thought. He wouldn’t be here with me now, if it was causing someone pain, would he? He said he wouldn’t.

Please. Please. Please let there be a good explanation.

“She’s right here,” he says finally, removing his bracelet and letting it rest in the palm of his hand. He holds it out to me, his arm trembling. “It’s a cremation bracelet. It contains some of her ashes, and I scatter a little everywhere I go. I left some of her ashes on Mauna Kea, because it seemed like a beautiful place she would have loved to visit. She always wanted to travel… and I could never give her that, while she was alive. So, I made it my mission to take her ashes all over the world with me.”

I stare at him in amazement, shocked and unable to speak.

“Her name was Ashley. Isn’t that funny? Ashley’s ashes.”

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