Page 11 of Hello Dr. Christmas

Chapter Six

I don’t remember much of the walk back to his hotel room. I know we were talking and laughing, and stopping every few minutes to make out against a wall. Which is fairly awkward with crutches. I’m surprised I didn’t lose one or both of the crutches along the way. I am not sure if the walk took five minutes, fifteen, or fifty minutes, because the time just blended together in a montage of laughing and kissing all over Main Street. Oh, and I think we stopped at the bakery to grab some gingerbread cookies. Because, why not?

That is how I learned that gingerbread kisses are pretty good kisses.

But when we get back to his hotel room, the lighthearted mood changes. When I remove his tie, and he unzips my dress, I notice the tremble in his hands. And the hesitation on his lips.

“Are you okay?” I ask him softly.

“Yes,” he says quietly, looking down. Then he shakes his head. “No.”

He stumbles over to the bed and sits on the edge of it, putting his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry. I don’t think I can do this.”

“It’s okay,” I say gently, staring at him in the dark.

“It’s the first time—the first time I’ve tried to do anything like this since I lost Lilly,” he explains.

“Oh,” I murmur. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m a mess,” he says, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes.

“Hey,” I tell him lightly, limping over to sit beside him on the bed. “That’s why we’re hanging out, remember? We’re both a huge mess.”

He sniffles softly in the dark. “I’m so sorry, Clara. I didn’t mean to mislead you. I thought that maybe I could do this. I feel like enough time has passed that Ishouldbe able to do this, you know? But I don’t know how to move on with my life.”

I realize that he is twisting his wedding ring on his left hand, and my heart breaks for him. I watch him turning and turning the ring, and wonder how many hours he has spent doing that. I place my hand on his back. “We don’t have to do anything, and you don’t have to push yourself to move on faster. There’s no rush, Mr. Claus. You should take it easy on your heart, and your body, and just move at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable. I can leave if you want me to.”

“No,” he says, grasping my hand, and squeezing it gently. “No, please. Please don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

The look in his blue eyes in the dark sends daggers right through me. I want to cry for him. I just lost a career, but he lost a wholeperson. I feel so grateful in that moment, that all my family members are happy and healthy. I can’t imagine how this man feels, to love someone so deeply, and have them ripped away. I have never loved anyone like that.

I return the pressure on his hand. “Of course, I’ll stay.”

“Thank you,” he says with a sigh of relief. He turns toward me, and places his forehead against my shoulder.

I swallow at the intimacy of this. My arm is still wrapped around his back, and I gently caress his large, muscular frame. Touching his body makes me wonder about him. Wonder what he does for a living. Wonder where’s from, and where he grew up. What his family is like.

Clara, you suck at being super duper anonymous,I inwardly scold myself.

But his body is so warm and familiar, and trying to comfort him is somehow comforting me. For a second, the dumbest thought crosses my brain.

All the good ones are taken. What if he’s one of the good ones? And hewastaken, but she died. So…

Finders keepers?

Oh my god. That is the most ridiculous, most awful thought I’ve ever had. Not just because of how insensitive it is, but this is just a strange man I met in a bar for a super duper anonymous fling because we were both really sad. There is no way on earth that I have any chance ofkeepinghim.

But that would be nice, wouldn’t it? If I could keep him.

Another stupid, ridiculous, insane thought. I sigh as I run my hand over his back in what I hope is a soothing way.

“Tell me about her,” I find myself saying.

“Lilly?” he asks, lifting his head to look into my eyes.

“Yes,” I say, giving him a smile. “She must have been wonderful.”

“She was,” he says, and his eyes shine with tears. “I loved her and admired her from afar since I was a boy, but I never thought she’d be mine. I spent so many years trying to impress her, and making myself a better person so that she would even notice me. Lilly was so brilliant, so beautiful, so wise. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without her.”

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