Page 33 of All I Want for Christmas Eve

Chapter Thirteen

We barely made it to the airport on time, after sleeping in slightly too long. Good sex is like a sleeping drug. And that wasamazingsex. I felt so close to Adam since then that I haven’t been able to stop touching him or holding his hand, all through the airport. I think the skin-on-skin contact causes a much more intense bonding… it must be something chemical. I have never felt this way about anyone else that I’ve been with.

I always tried to be so safe, so careful. But Adam really does make me want to let go, relax, and trust someone. Maybe it’s just the crazy way that we met. Maybe he’s just different from the other guys I’ve been close to. I hope he is.

My head is resting on his shoulder, and his arm is around me as we sit cuddled up on the airport seats, our suitcases before us, waiting for our boarding section to be called.

I have noticed that a few people seemed to recognize Adam, which surprises me. A few people are pointing at him and whispering with excitement, and I’m slightly impressed by that. I suppose now that I’m serious about him, I should Google him. But I haven’t had a chance when we haven’t been separated for a single minute.

“Zone 2 now boarding,” the announcer calls.

“That’s us,” I say, rising to my feet.

Adam seems distracted, tapping his foot and looking off to the side.

“Adam?” I ask, as I collect my suitcase.

“Oh, sorry.” He rises to his feet and grabs his carry-on as he follows me to the counter where we are about to scan our tickets. And then he freezes.

The lady scans my ticket, and then moves to scan Adam’s.

But he is not holding out his ticket.

I tug on his hand gently. “Adam?”

I see his throat move with the motion of swallowing. He’s staring at the plane we are about to board, and his whole body seems to be locked up in fear. “I can’t do it, Eve.”

My heart skips a beat. “What do you mean?”

He takes a few steps backward, and sits down abruptly in one of the chairs. He puts a hand on his chest. I realize he might be having some kind of panic attack. “Adam, are you okay?” I say, rushing to his side.

“Yes,” he responds, “but I just can’t get on that plane. I’m sorry.”

“We already purchased our tickets,” I say with confusion. “Do you want to try to delay the flight?”

“No, Eve. I can’t fly. I can’t get on a plane.” He stares up at me in amazement. “I thought it would be okay, but it’s too soon. I guess crashing did bother me emotionally more than harmed my body.”

My heart sinks. I sit beside him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Adam. I didn’t mean to push you before you were ready.”

“You didn’t push me, Eve. I wanted to come along. I offered. I just didn’t realize—” he trails off, staring at the plane.

“Excuse me,” the flight attendant says. “We really need to get you boarded now, Miss.”

“What do I do?” I ask him softly.

“You should go home without me, Eve. Your parents need you.”

“You told my mom you were coming.”

“I’m so sorry, Eve, I just can’t. You have to go without me.”

I realize that I am getting teary-eyed, because this feels suspiciously like a breakup. Actually, it feels identical to a breakup. “Am I ever going to see you again?” I ask.

He nods. “Of course.”

But I don’t believe him. This is an excellent way to get rid of me. He got everything he wanted from me and now he’s done. We had super intimate, unprotected sex, that I thought meant something special, but I just got played.

I slowly trying to salvage what is left of my pride. I pick up my suitcases and turn to board the plane without another word to Adam. I can’t look back, or I risk bursting into tears and revealing how much I care. Clara was right. What did she say? Lukewarm. It was just a lukewarm love and I had just been withoutanylove for so long that it seemed scalding hot to me. But now I’ve been burned.

The plane seems to be driving around and around the runway, and it’s driving me insane. I just want to get into the sky, and get far away from here. I keep running over and over all the things Adam said in my head. About marriage and being together. It was all a joke. It was all just a trick he played on me, to get some really good hospitality.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Clara.

“Evie?” she answers.

“You were right. It was lukewarm.”

“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”

“I was an idiot. Again,” I say glumly.

“You were never an idiot, Evie. You were just hopeful. I’m glad you called. I haven’t heard your voice in so long.”

“I am on a plane, about to head home to Snowflake Creek. Fuck Alaska.”

“Oh, thank God. I was wondering how long you’d stay in exile,” Clara responds.

“I just want to be around people who care for the holidays.”

“Amen to that, sister.” Clara sighs. “I’m going on stage in a few, Evie. I have a really bad feeling in my stomach.”

“Why? You’re an amazing dancer.”

“I know,” Clara says, “but everything seems to be going wrong lately. I feel like everyone hates me and wants my job. I thought success would feel so good, but I just feel like there’s a target on my back.”

“That’s terrible, Clara. It doesn’t sound like your job is very fun.”

“It used to be. But now it’s just hell.”

“Well, you’ll get a break soon, right?” I ask her.

“Twelve more performances in four cities,” Clara says with a sigh.

“Hang in there, sis. You’ll get through it, and then you can come home and hang out with us. We’ll get drunk.”

“Oh my god, I haven’t had a drink in so long. That would be divine.”

The plane starts speeding up, and we say our goodbyes. I stare out the window, feeling my troubles fall away as the plane ascends into the sky. It’s hard to be sad about anything when you’re about to be racing away from your problems at 550 miles per hour.

I moved out to the middle of nowhere because I don’t like people. But it turns out that even when you live in an isolated place, lightyears away from any other living human, someone can still find you and hurt you.

It’s my fault. I let it happen. I believed all the bullshit.

The rest of the plane ride passes by in a blur, and by the time we arrive in Minnesota, I have consumed as many little bottles of vodka as they will let me purchase. Might as well drown my sorrows. I also decided that I will never date anyone again, and never fall in love. I’m going to die an old maid.

As soon as I get home, I’m going to buy some cats and ugly sweaters.

That will be my life.

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