Page 17 of You Can't Ruin Christmas

“Tonight,” I respond. “Flight is at 11pm.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a month or so—I didn’t buy a return ticket. I’m just going to see how long they need me.”

“That’s a long time,” he says, rubbing his thumb over my palm. “I was hoping to spend more time with you this Christmas. I had all these plans…”

“I’m going to miss you, too,” I tell him, still snuggling against his shoulder.

“Did you want to try to do something together before you leave?” he asks, putting his hand on my thigh and running his fingers along my quadricep. I can’t believe I just called it that in my head. He must be really rubbing off on me.

“Yes, please,” I respond.

Sven smiles. “I had prepared a surprise for you at the gym, and I would really love to give it to you before you leave.”

I groan. “More gym, Sven? I thought we could do something different. Like a date, or…”

“I would love to take you on a date,” he says. “But unfortunately, I have some appointments to meet some people at the gym in a few minutes. I was just heading over there now when I saw you packing and freaked out,” he exhales a shuddering breath of relief. “If you were flying to see Seb, I think I would have lost my mind. I mean, I would have tried to play it cool, but I’d be smashing things as soon as you left the loft.”

I turn to the side and press a kiss against his shoulder. “So, you really like me then?” I ask in amazement.

“More than a little,” he responds.

“I like you too,” I tell him wrapping my arms around his middle. “I did not think you were very attracted to me yesterday, when you just dumped me on the bed and walked away.”

“That was not my best moment,” he admits, “but I promise I'll make it up to you.”

“I mean, you’re on my bed now,” I say, sliding my fingers toward his waistband. “At the scene of the crime, so to speak.”

He catches my fingers in his hand, and lifts them to his lips to give them a kiss. “No rushing things, Mary. I need to take you on that proper date first. Prove to you that I’m more than just a thing with a penis.”

“I already see you as more than that, Sven. You’ve been so sweet and caring this last week. But I could use some reassurance that you are into me.”

He sighs. “Actually, the truth is that I have liked you all along. I liked you way before Sebastian did. I used to buy tickets to the plays in college, over and over again, just to watch you on stage. A Christmas Carol, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, A Streetcar Named Desire. My brother caught me staring at you one day, in the cafeteria, and he asked me what was going on. I just felt like birds started singing every time you entered the room, and I gave him a stupid answer. Something silly like, ‘Seb, I’m going to marry that girl one day.’ And he laughed and said, ‘Not if I can marry her first.’ He went over and talked to you and moved so aggressively while I was still gathering my courage—I just never had a chance.”

“You came to see my plays?” I ask with a lump in my throat. “I had no idea.”

“I was kind of shy back then. Maybe a lot of guys are in their early 20s, I don’t know. But trust me, I regretted it. I regret not being braver, and I regret ever telling Sebastian how I felt. Because I have to wonder if he ever really loved you, or just wanted to shove it in my face that he was better than me. That he won. Kind of like with the NHL. He knew that was my dream and he just wanted to get there first.”

“I'm sorry, Sven. I wish I had known. Sebastian never came to my plays—he thought it was a stupid hobby. If I had known you cared… maybe things could be different. I wish you’d said something.”

“Well, I'm saying things now, Mary, and I'll try to keep saying all the things. I'm tired of being quiet, it never got me anywhere in life. It was torture watching you be with him, but I was happy for you guys, because he was my brother and I thought he deserved a great girl like you. And you seemed happy, too, and that was all that mattered. But I was wrong. He didn’t have good intentions. He was just playing both of us. That’s why he took me shopping for that ring—because he knew it was killing me inside.”

Tilting my head up, I place a kiss on his jaw. “Sven, I think a lot of girls end up with the loudest guy instead of the guy with the biggest heart. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to get to know you better, back then. I was young, and I didn’t know much about people. But I wish I had tried.”

“It’s not your fault. Once Sebastian made a move on you, I gave up and backed off. Because that’s what a good brother is supposed to do. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you as much as possible, for years, so you wouldn’t know how I felt. Until last week when I saw you crying on the couch and had to make sure you were okay.”

“You made me okay,” I tell him. “You picked me up and polished me off and made me feel brand new again.” I smile sadly. “Look, it sucks, okay? Our mistakes suck, big time. But we’ll fix it now. We’re older and wiser, and we’ll do it all over again, everything we should have done, but even better than it would have been before.”

“We lost so many years,” Sven says. “Because of me.”

“Bullshit,” I say, and I climb over his lap, straddling him. I take his face in both of my hands and press a kiss against his lips, followed by a bright smile. “We haven’t lost any time. We lived, and loved, and learned, and we’re going to have a wonderful life. Right? We earned having an awesome future, thanks to those screw ups.”

He growls, placing his hands on my hips tugging me closer to return the kiss. His lips explore and devour mine, seeking and kneading, his teeth teasing and nipping at my bottom lip. His fingers dig into my sides as he pulls my hips against him hungrily. “How am I going to wait a month for you to come back from Minnesota? I’ve already waited my whole damn life for you.”

The romance of those words washes over me like the first sip of a really delicious hot chocolate on an icy day. The way it just floods your body with warmth, all through your spine and down to the tips of your fingers and toes. I can only stare at his face and feel insanely thankful, like this breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Sebastian was a practical choice, the sort of guy you feel you should be with because it make sense on paper. Everyone is impressed by a professional athlete. Plus, he was so outgoing and charming in how hard he pursued me, that I didn’t even have time to make a choice. I just went along with it because if he was tryingthathard to get with me, surely it meant he really cared? That he would stick around? I didn’t realize that I was just the subject of a hunting competition—a prize turkey he was trying to put on the table for Thanksgiving dinner. Or a reindeer with really cool antlers. He captured me and then he moved on. It was just for sport.

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