Page 73 of Aftertaste

I felt the burn of a stare on my back, but I didn’t turn to look. I’d never been ashamed of who I was—of who I liked—and I wasn’t going to start now. I hadn’t officially come out to my parents, not that they would have given a damn. And the one person who had always been there for me—my best friend, Sage—knew long before I did. It was never a conversation, not with us. It was just who I was. I liked women. End of.

“I can’t believe we’re here,” I said, leaning closer to Haven.

“Me neither.” She chuckled, and I wondered if she was as nervous as I was. Nerves were a good thing, right? “So…” She glanced around the restaurant, her gaze landing on the menus in front of us. “Have you taken a look at the menu?”

I shook my head. “Nope.” I fidgeted in my seat. “I was too damn nervous.” The moment the words came from between my lips, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. There was something about Haven that made me want to be honest with her, more honest than I’d ever been with anyone.

But how honest could I really be? I couldn’t tell her about the evil that lived in the four walls of my home. I couldn’t tell her what I was forced to do. I couldn’t tell her any of that. My stomach rolled, my mind trying to push thoughts of Dale away, but it felt like an impossible task, one I wasn’t sure I was up for.

“T?” Haven’s hand squeezed mine. “You okay?”

I blinked, trying to scatter the memories and focus on her. “Yeah.” I opened up one of the menus, trying to distract myself. “Mexican is my favorite.”

“Mine too,” Haven said, her hand not letting go of mine. I was grateful because I was afraid if she let go, I’d float away in a cloud of darkness.

“I can’t decide what to have,” she groaned out. I peeked at her over the top of my menu. “Shall we order loads of different things and share them?”

“I’ve never done that before,” I confessed, feeling the warmth on my cheeks for the second time.

“Me neither.” She shrugged and held her hand up to get someone’s attention. “First time for everything, right?”

I nodded. Tonight was full of firsts. The first time I’d been on a real date. The first time I was nervous to sit opposite someone and eat a meal. And the first time I wanted to confess the sins that lived inside my memories.

I didn’t look away from Haven as she reeled off what sounded like an impossible amount of food to eat. She was so at ease talking in Spanish, and I couldn’t help but wish I could talk another language. I’d tried my hardest to learn in my required lessons, but I never seemed to be able to get the hang of it.

But Haven. Haven was a pro. Everything flowed off of her with a breeziness I wished I had.

“Anything else?” the waiter asked, and with a shake of the head from me, he rushed away from the table, probably afraid that Haven would order more food.

“So…” Haven leaned closer to me. “Tell me your favorite things to do.”

I smiled, already thinking about the cat video obsession I had, and that was all I needed to open the floodgates, telling her things that didn’t mean much, yet she was fascinated none the less.

For hours we sat across from each other, eating, talking, drinking. She told me all about her big brother and her parents who lived in another state. I told her about my parents and their fake relationship while simultaneously glossing over Dale.

I learned that she was a nurse, and that made me want to hear even more about her. She cared about people—wanted to help them. I could see that in the way she acted around me and the way she talked but imagining her in a medical setting gave me a different view of her.

“Tell me the goriest story you have,” I said, leaning my chin on my hand and listening intently.

“Oh god.” She laughed and placed her hand on her stomach. We’d finished eating nearly an hour ago, but because they hadn’t cleared the table, we both kept snacking on what was left. “I’m not sure whether this is the goriest…” She screwed up her face. “But it’s definitely memorable.”

“I’m listening,” I urged her.

“Okay. So, this couple come into the ER.” She chuckled. “It was when I was doing my placement, so I was technically assisting.” She shook her head. “They came limping into the room where I was with my trainer, both wincing as they sat down.” She paused, and I could imagine she was back in that room, seeing it all so clearly. “They’d been…you know…” She lifted her hands, made a circle with her thumb and finger on one and pushed her pointer finger through it. “Having the sex.”

“Mmmhmm.” I grinned, enthralled with every word she said.

“They’d used lube…at least, they thought they had.” She raised her brows and squirmed in her chair. “It wasn’t until he couldn’t get out of her that he realized he’d used super glue.”

“Holy shit.” I choked on a laugh, not sure whether to be horrified or not as I pressed my legs together.

“Yeah.” Haven placed her hands on the table. “He’d finally managed to yank himself out of her, ripping the skin of his cock and the inside her of vajayjay.”

“Jesus Christ.” I placed my hands between my thighs, my eyes as wide as saucers. “Do things like that even heal?”

“Eventually,” Haven said, trying to contain her laughter, but I could see it was a struggle. “I’ll never be able to get the image of his swollen, red, angry cock from my mind.”

I nodded and held my finger in the air as if a lightbulb had just switched on in my mind. “Sothat’swhen you became a lesbian then.”

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