Page 79 of Through Battle and Blades (The Wolf Queen 2)

I got to my feet slowly then, thinking as I moved as to how to proceed. We’d upended Del’s life on him, again, after the Reavers did such a smashing job of the same. He’d have to be worried about Jan, about living here, about being my ward. I nodded to the ladies and then walked over to the fireside, dropping down to sit by Del.

“How’s the game going?” He glanced up, taking a few seconds to see me, his focus on the knuckle bones.

“Del’s a devil with the bones,” Jeremy said, and I watched the boy in question flush. “We’re going over to see the guards train later,” Jeremy told Del. “Well, me and the older boys. They said they might teach us swordplay.”

Del shook his head slowly, letting out a puff of breath. “It’s not quite as exciting as it seems. It’s a lot of drills.”

“You’ve received training?” Jeremy’s tone rose, but he tried to smother his response, not wanting to betray his eagerness.

“A bit. I was living in the barracks so I got put in with the squires.”

“Squires, cor…!”

“I can show you what I learned, but it isn’t much.” Del shrugged then, a picture of nonchalance.

I chuckled and leant over to ruffle his hair. “He’s actually bloody good. He put a lad on his arse before, in front of all of his peers.”

“Did you really, Del? How did you…?”

He blinked as he was bombarded by questions from the other children.

“Did you want to go out to the training grounds and show them what you know?”

Gods, I could feel the hand of Nordred on my shoulder then, firm and steering me in the right direction, and for a moment I felt a surge of confidence, right before I remembered what had happened today. I blinked, ready to backtrack, not wanting to add to the trauma the boy had already experienced, unable to believe I’d stumbled so quickly in this.

“Will you come?” Del asked me shyly.

I just stared at him then, seeing the fragile trust there, along with a ravenous need. He was a child as much as he was a young man, and both needed for there to be a caring, observant adult in his life, just as I had needed the same.

“Of course,” I replied, then jerked my eyes away to look at the others. “You can’t go onto the training grounds without an adult to supervise. The weapons may be wooden, but they can still hurt you.”

“We were taught about the proper ways to wield wooden weapons,” Del told the other children. “I can show you.”

At that we all got to our feet, the other children rushing off to parents or caregivers, seeking permission to come with us.

“Is this going to be alright?” I asked Del quietly, mindful of the fact a young man doesn’t like to have his vulnerabilities paraded in front of others. “You had a tough day today.”

“But you came.” Gods, when I looked at him now, I’d never felt so scared. Del didn’t mask a thing behind ennui or sarcasm, instead showing everything he felt on his face. “You’ll do that, won’t you, Darcy? You’ll come when we need you?”

“Always,” I croaked, and that’s when I had my first lesson as a parent. I felt doubt and fear and wondered how the hell I’d ever be able to live up to the promise I just made, but I made it anyway, because that’s what he needed to hear. And in doing so, I’d entered into a bargain, one I’d fight hard to uphold, no matter what it took.

The children rushed back and with all their spontaneity and openness, they flung their arms around my legs and Del’s, taking my hand so I might lead them onto the practise battleground.

40

“So you need to hold… No, not like that.” I smiled as I watched a somewhat harried Del try to wrangle the crowd of children. He strove to show them what to do, stop them from whacking each other and anything else they could with the flats of their wooden daggers or swords, while trying to create order. I was about to step in, but wanted to let him have his moment first.

“Looks like he’s found his place with the citadel children.” I turned to see Dane was standing at my shoulder, watching the children with a small smile. “I admit, I like it better, him being here rather than in the barracks.”

“Really?” I let out a great gusty sigh of relief. “I didn’t know what you’d think or say and I didn’t even ask and—”

He stopped the stream of words by pulling me into him and holding me close, and I felt the instinctual comfort that comes from being held by someone you care about.

“When I said you were my queen, I meant it. I expect you to make decisions and us to follow them, within reason.” I snorted at that. Dane was ever the politician. “Seek our advice or don’t, but I will support whatever you decide, especially when it is in the best interest of our people.”

“You’ll need to explain to me what the hell ‘seasoning’ a child is and how that’s in the best interest of Strelan soldiers. I didn’t like what happened to Del on the training grounds,” I said, pulling away with a frown, but before Dane could reply, Del barked an order and I looked back around at him to see all of the children stop their chatter and their antics, focussing on him.

“There are some acts of cruelty that go unremarked,” Dane replied, “unexamined until you are forced to reconsider them.” We watched Del set the children up in a ragged line, correcting their placement and form in a way that made all too much sense. Discipline first, Nordred had always said, training second. “The process of turning a boy into a man is often a harsh one. Why would he loosen his mother’s apron strings and step away from all that comfort? Why would he choose the hard life of a soldier? Now that I bother to think about it, it’s like the cracking of an egg, breaking the shell of motherly concern and love and forcing the boy to take a step beyond.”

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