“The boys will be wondering where I am,” she commented when they were back in the carriage. “Would you visit with me when we get home?”
Richard hated that she was tentative with her question. He’d done that to her. Made her unsure of her place in her own home. In their relationship. He wanted to sweep her off her feet and tell her how much he loved her, drive away those doubts. But he could not, for as much as he wished he were captain of his body, last night proved him wrong. Elizabeth must know the danger; still, she tempted him at every turn. He didn’t want to spurn her, yet he didn’t know how to tell her that the fear of losing her swallowed him whole. Perhaps if they could manage to find some normalcy in their days, he could find the words about the terror that filled his dreams at night.
“Let’s do better than a nursery visit. Let’s have William join us for dinner this evening in the large dining room. It will be good practice for him.”
Elizabeth had shone throughout the afternoon, but now she positively glowed. Richard was inordinately proud of himself as they arrived at the town house. Clarkson greeted them and assisted with outerwear.
“I’ll be up shortly,” Richard said and stood watching her enticing backside as she mounted the stairs. She smiled flirtatiously over her shoulder before disappearing from sight.Little minx. He caught himself and silently chastised his errant mind. His mind could not stray there.
He strode to his study, intending to pen a note to Bosley about increasing Elizabeth’s pin money in case she was hesitant to ask Richard for more. He’d like to encourage her to more freely spoil herself. He stopped short when he saw the envelope on the tray on his desk.
“My lord,” Hastings said from the doorway, “my apologies for not catching you on your way in. A message has been delivered.”
“Yes, I see that,” Richard said irritably.
“The boy said it was urgent.”
“Thank you, Hastings. That will be all.” Richard ripped open the envelope and quickly read the contents. “Damn and blast,” he growled to the empty room. Why had he allowed himself to become embroiled in this escapade? There was nothing for it but to forge ahead, but…Devil confound it all.
He climbed the stairs slowly. He’d debated taking the coward’s route and leaving a note, but after today, he could not bring himself to be so horribly dismissive. Elizabeth sat in the rocking chair with Sebastian on her knee, listening to William share his day’s activities. He watched for a few minutes, his heart longing for the tranquility of a simple family life, unfettered by the threat of loss, untethered from this espionage folly.
Sebastian spotted him first, pointing and babbling incoherently, but Richard was certain he heard Papa mangled in there somewhere. William stood immediately, waiting for an invitation, which Richard willingly gave by holding out his arms. William ran to them, and he scooped him up for a big hug before putting him back down.
“Papa, Mama says I can dine with you this evening.”
It seemed he would be disappointing two people this night. “I’m afraid there has been a change of plans, and I won’t be in this evening after all.”
William’s face crumbled, and Richard could see tears in his eyes, but like his mother always did, he bit his bottom lip to hold them in.
“I do apologize,” he said to William, but he was looking at Elizabeth. She was not biting her lip, nor were her eyes glazed. Her brow furrowed in question, and his brain scrambled for an answer. He certainly could not tell her the truth. “Walford has an urgent situation with his company and seeks my assistance.” He would need to tell the man of his lie.
“Then by all means, you must go,” Elizabeth said, her face brightening. “William, you may dine with your Mama this evening.”
Cheered, William returned to his mother’s side. Richard stepped into the room and kissed each of them on the cheek before excusing himself, feeling like the biggest fraud. These covert meetings were bound to create havoc, but resorting to blatant lying did not sit well with him. How long before the shadows of doubt darkened her thoughts and he managed to permanently extinguish the light in Elizabeth’s eyes?