Page 73 of Love Abandoned

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Make not your thoughts your prisons.

—Shakespeare,Antony and Cleopatra

Elizabeth held Sebastianon her lap and rocked him while Dr. Redding examined the boys. Patrick and Jonathan were remarkably mannerly, but even with her attempts at stern looks in his direction, William giggled every time Dr. Redding touched him. When he opened his mouth and made the sound of a trumpet instead of a simple “ah,” she had to bury her smile in Sebastian’s head, pretending she was pressing kisses. William’s unfettered joy in all things was a delight to watch, and it was thanks to the boys. He’d been born solemn, and they had brought him a sense of freedom and playfulness.

Dr. Redding was neither young nor old, with dark hair graying at the temples and a face of soft lines that deepened when he smiled, which he did along with the boys. He’d been the Thornwoods’ doctor since she’d been there, and his father had been their doctor prior to that. He’d seen her through both births and been attentive during her recovery after Sebastian’s painful entry into the world. He was kindness personified, and she was grateful to have his steady presence in her life over the years.

When he was done with the boys, he handed each a lemon drop and gave them permission to leave. Which they did with great haste. He took Sebastian from her arms, brought him over to his crib, and set him on his back. Sebastian kicked playfully, grabbing Dr. Redding’s hands and trying to swing them. From the day he’d arrived, he’d been a cheerful baby. He babbled happily as Dr. Redding examined him, but very few words were discernible. It continued to worry Elizabeth. William had had an extensive vocabulary by Sebastian’s age. She voiced her concerns to Dr. Redding when he was through with his examination.

“I see no issue at all,” Dr. Redding said. “He is thriving. You must remember he came into this world early and with a good deal of struggle. It is a marvel he survived. Give him a few months to catch up to William’s pace and he’ll be out the gate like that new pony William can’t stop talking about.”

Hannah stayed with Sebastian, and Elizabeth and Dr. Redding left the nursery.

“You have done wonders for those two waifs, although I can hardly call them that now, can I? They are hale and healthy, with exquisite manners. It bodes well for your orphanage that you can perform such wonders. But it seems miracles are your forte, aren’t they?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well,” he said, smiling kindly. “Sebastian’s life is not the only miracle of survival in this house, now is it?”

Elizabeth cheeks warmed with a blush. She’d never considered her recovery a miracle. It was an experience endured, a mountain climbed. “Do you truly think I might never conceive again?” she asked as they entered the great hall. He’d told her that when she’d grown healthier, but she’d never told Richard, hoping to prove the doctor wrong.

He paused and studied her for a moment. “I am not God, so I cannot say for certain. But if I were a betting man, I would say no, it is extremely unlikely. And forgive me for speaking so boldly, but since it has been almost two years since Sebastian made his debut, the proof is in the pudding. Or lack of pudding,” he said, chuckling at his own joke.

She smiled indulgently. Although the subject did not sit humorously with her, she could not begrudge the levity he always tried to bring to situations.

“As I told Lord Thornwood, it is not just a matter that you can’t get with child. Youshouldnot get with child. Be happy with those two boys of yours. They are more than enough.”

Elizabeth thanked Dr. Redding and watched him descend into the courtyard. She waved to him as he guided the horse drawing the gig toward the west gate and the drive that led to the main road. She listened to the clopping of hooves until she could hear it no more, standing dazed as though he’d taken her energy with him.

As I told Lord Thornwood.Richardknewshe could not conceive. Had known all along. His dreams of a house full of children had long been crushed. It explained his distance, his disappointment in their marriage. His aversion to physical intimacy. What need did he have of an empty vessel? There was no hope for them. None at all. She could not fulfill the promise she’d made. She was not simply a broodmare put out to pasture. She was a mare who would never have foal again.

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