Page 59 of Love Denied

Good Lord!Daniel had taken his own life. No wonder the world had been cryptic since Nicholas’s return. His brother was steeped in the two worst sins of society. Nicholas’s stomach rolled. He couldn’t believe it. Perhaps Laurence had—? Nicholas could not even finish the thought but had to ask.

“Laurence?” he started but knew not how to phrase the question. How did he ask the woman he loved if her brother might have killed his?

“He never mentioned the pistol to a soul. I know now that the second shot I heard was him firing his rifle when he knew Daniel was dying. He was adamant that Daniel die of a hunting accident. He fired Daniel’s rifle, too, to ensure it appeared as though they were on a hunt.” She crumpled before him. “The first shot was…well, it was…”

Daniel taking his own life.Damntheir father.DamnDaniel for being a coward. Rage burst through anguish. Anddamnthis woman who let them all do as they would without a thought about herself…or Nicholas. He stood abruptly.

“Excuse me, but it seems I need a moment.” He strode from the building, ignoring the gasp that filled the air behind him, bouncing off the chamber walls and echoing hauntingly in his ears. Her pain was a knee to his gut, but his wounds were an agonizing knife to the heart—they reigned now.Bloody hell.Daniel had willingly said goodbye to this life. Nicholas choked on rising emotion as he descended the stairs.Damn you, Daniel. Damn you!

He took the path back to Woodfield, marching furiously, until he was drawn toward a clearing by the dancing rays of sun on the small glade. Was it here? Was this magnificent corner where Daniel had chosen to end his life? He saw Daniel laughing, falling down with glee, then awkwardly standing, pressing a pistol to his head. He growled, rushing toward the image. It disappeared, disseminating in the sparkle of sunlight. He sank to the ground, wrapping his arms around his updrawn knees. “Daniel. How could you?” He fought the pain, wrestling it until he grew numb. “How could you?” he murmured to the clearing where Daniel had stood, an illusion now gone.

The sun was setting before Nicholas could will himself to leave the meadow. He plodded toward Woodfield. There lay the hypocrisy of his life. Those walls would now be his one day. Would they forever enclose secrets?

He stole quietly into the empty kitchen, like a young lad, and stood beside the smoldering embers. Here a fire always burned. A hearth. His home. He stared at the glowing cinders. Here he had only known tenderness. Acceptance. Warmth. The evening remained tepid, yet he held his hands before the grate, seeking that warmth. He turned to the large trestle table and sank to the bench. How many meals had he shared here with Daniel?

Nicholas laid his head on the table. So weary. So damned tired.

“Child, it grieves me to see you suffer so.” Nan’s hand brushed his hair back, and he took comfort like a small child. She pressed a kiss to his head and patted his shoulder before shuffling away.

He remained still, weighed down by worry. By fears. By regret. This was not how life was supposed to unfold. While his path had never been clear, he knew it had never been this. This abomination. This blasphemy of all that should have been.

Nan sat beside him on the bench, the warmth of her old hand enveloping his, her clasp tight. “Lad, stop being angry because your brother disappointed you. There are far greater treacheries than loving another, despite what the law may say.” She released her grip and tapped his hand lightly. “Cease your ire and grant him, if not your understanding, the peace of your compassion. It’s in you to give, eh? And for heaven’s sake, forgive that lass. Absolve her of both brothers’ sins.”

Sorrow welled. He was embarrassed by his tears, appalled by their ferocity. Nan wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her chest as she had done years ago. He choked, then clasped her small frame tightly and let wave after wave course through his body, easing his heart and cleansing his soul.

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