Page 78 of River of Flames

I'm still here.

With a Herculean effort, I opened my eyes. Julian's face hovered above mine. "Breathe," he said.

I did, drawing in lungfuls of air. I was still in the cabin. I wasn't outside, and Theo and Luca were nowhere to be seen. "How long?" I managed to say, my eyes starting to sting.

Julian slipped a hand under my shoulders and helped me into a sitting position. "Not long," he said. "A minute. Maybe two."

"Oh God." I buried my face in my hands.

His broad hand moved gently over my back. "You're here now," he said gruffly.

I was so startled at his verbalization of my mantra that I forgot to be terrified. I lifted my head and looked at him.

He was gazing at me, frowning, his brow furrowed. His hand came to rest at the nape of my neck, his thumb nestling into the curve of my shoulder, but it almost seemed as though he'd forgotten he was touching me at all.

"Lilin knows I wrote the book," he said at last.

I glanced at the table, where the book lay open to the blank pages at the back. "Okay," I said uncertainly.

"She came forward when you asked me to change her back," he said. His tone was neutral, despite his worried expression.

"I noticed," I said, grimacing.

He let out a deep sigh. "I don't think—" he started, and paused. He removed his hand from my back and stood. "She’s not in her right mind. I don't think she will go easily."

My heart leapt with sudden hope, but I held myself still. "What do you mean?"

"When I bound her to the book—" He tripped over the word, as though even saying it was painful—"it was an act of desperation by a dying man. I think that if I tried to bind her again, it would destroy us both."

"No one asked you to," I said, even though Theo very much had.

"She must stay hidden within a mortal." He turned further away from me. I could see the tension in his shoulders, and I wanted to cross the room and shake him, to force the words from him. "No matter what the circumstances, Olryg must never know of her presence."

"But why me?" The words burst out of me as though by their own accord. "Why should she stay in me?"

Julian turned. "Why not you?" he growled. "Why should another be sacrificed, for your sake?"

My eyes filled with tears, and I stared at him, unable to respond. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about my dad, my friends, my life—but he was right, because anyone else that Lilin possessed would have all those things, too.

He took a step toward me, and then another, and then he was standing right in front of me. He lifted both hands and cradled my face, his thumbs catching the tears that spilled over at last.

"It is impossible to change her back," he said in a low voice, his gaze on mine, searching.

"I know," I whispered.

"It could kill you."

I swallowed hard. "I know," I said again.

He took a deep breath, opening his mouth as though to speak—

—and at that moment, the cabin door opened.

"Well," Theo said, tossing Luca's keys onto the table, "what the hell is going on here?"

"No. Absolutely not." The open bag of Twizzlers sat forgotten on the table as Theo shook his head vigorously. "It's too dangerous."

"I agree," Julian said, arms crossed over his chest.

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