Page 73 of Craving the Player

Iwasn’tlying when Isaid that Ididn’ttell him because Iwas scared of losing him. It seems ridiculous now, seeing as how keeping it from him turned out even worse. Ijust wanted to enjoy the rest of our time together without the knot in my stomach that wound so damn tight whenever Ithought of him staying behind and moving on. But he deserved to know. Iknow that.

His words still echo in my ears, burning fresh in my mind when Itry to fall asleep at night. “As much as Ilove fucking you, I’mnot going to fly across the country to have an endless tap of your pussy.”

The crack in my chest deepens, my love for him burning ahole inside of me. Ihoped that he had felt even relatively similar feelings for me, but Iknow that it was afar-fetched idea. We were never meant to be forever. Iwas just astep in the right direction for him. Areminder that he doesn’talways have to hide that big heart of his behind that playboy facade.

“Idoubt that.” Clare’ssoothing voice breaks me out of my jumbled thoughts. “If he felt even remotely close to what you felt for him, Iguarantee he’swondering how to reach out to you.”

Alaugh breaks through my frown. “You don’tknow him. He’snot the type.”

“No?” she asks, lifting abrow. “Well, Iknow you. And there’sno way you were spending your time and effort on someone who didn’tdeserve it. That fact alone makes me believe that he isn’tas bad as you’re trying to convince the both of us he is. Idon’tneed to know him to know that.”

My eyes bulge as Istare at my sister, afeeling of gratefulness swelling behind my chest bone. What happened to the thirteen-year-old girl who spent three hours on hold with the oven company because she couldn’tfigure out how to turn the oven on and needed to bake me abirthday cake? Or the seventeen-year-old who went to the drugstore in the middle of the night to buy me my own pack of pads when Igot my first period because “every grown woman should have her own set of hygiene products.”

Iwould do anything to go back and relive those moments.

“Ialways forget how old and wise you’ve gotten,” Igrumble and press my warm forehead to the cool island.

She shrugs away my compliment. “Sometimes people surprise you, Sierra. You have to at least give him achance to.”

“Even if he did, it wouldn’tmatter. Iwould be setting myself up for an even worse heartbreak down the road. Iwant to get married someday, Clare. He doesn’tbelieve in that sort of thing.”

Clare surprises me by laughing.

“What’sfunny about that?” Inarrow my eyes and tilt my head.

“You love him, right? And don’tlie to me.”

“Ido,” Ireply softly. There'sno doubt about it. If Ididn’t, losing him wouldn’tfeel like having my heart wrung out like awet towel.

“Then don’tbe ridiculous. Men don’tknow what they want half the time. Not until they grow up and find the right person. How do you know that you aren’tBraden’sright person?”

“Idon’tknow.”

“It wouldn’tbe easy, but at the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy right now, nothing worth the risk is ever easy.”

“That was cheesy,” Iagree. “But also very wise.”

Lifting the wine bottle to my lips, Ilet her words marinate in my mind and the liquid slide down my throat. My immediate response is to tell her that she’sright, and promise to go see him. To make things right. But the fear of rejection is overwhelming. It looms over me like arain cloud. Ihate that I’ve been wasting my last few days in Vancouver locked inside my apartment packing things that Idon’teven care to bring with me. Ishould be with Braden.

Iwant to be with him, but does he care for me enough to want to try and make this work, knowing how complicated it could be? We both deserve closure, though. How am Isupposed to move away, not knowing if we were ever really, really over? That there might have been achance but Iwas too stubborn to take it?

Shit. Why is loving somebody so damn hard?

BRADEN

“Holy fuck!” Ispit through aclenched jaw. My stiff body slides into the ice-chunk-filled bathtub and Istart shivering instantly. Squeezing my eyes shut, Ilet my ass smack the bottom before unclenching my legs and pressing my heels to the metal sides.

“Did you expect it to be warm?”

Ipeel my right eye open and watch Tyler snort his reply from the row of lockers in front of me. He rips his door open and grabs his bag, tossing it to abench before sitting down beside it.

“Hurry up and go home.” Ilet my neck fall limp and my head sags forward, my eyes closing again.

“Someone’sexceptionally touchy today.”

“In case you haven’tnoticed, I’malittle sore,” Igrunt.

"That’swhat happens when you get your ass beat for the second time in two days by someone out of your weight class. Itold you not to fight that guy.”

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