Page 34 of Craving the Player

“Did you know he was coming?” Ithink Imumble, fully aware that my tongue feels incredibly numb. It’snot until Iwipe the back of my hand across my forehead, testing it for sweat, that Irealize that both my hands are shaking. Pull it together, Sierra.

My breath catches in my throat when we’re noticed and amasculine hand lifts in the air, two fingers creating a“come here” motion when we continue to stand in place. Ican feel Liz’sconfusion and worry when she uses asmall palm to grip my lower thigh, squeezing to try and get my attention. With afleeting smile, Imanage to calm her slightly, her hand not moving, but squeezing much lighter.

The two long fingers continue to wave us over, but my feet refuse to move, glued to the fucking floor like the bottoms of my heels have melted and stuck to it. Iclose my eyes and imagine a Bugs Bunny worthy Xmarked below Logan’sseat. But when Idon’thear an anvil fall from the sky and crush the cheating sack of shit into smithereens, Iopen them again, disappointed. Ishake the thoughts away and with aquick inhale, square my shoulders and steel my features.

Itell myself that Ican look at him. That my knees won’tgive out on me and leave me ablubbering pile of embarrassment on the floor. There’snothing that he can do now that will hurt you anymore than what he already has. Irepeat that sentence over and over again until I’mat least half positive that Iwon’tlose my fucking head. He’snothing more than an ugly reminder of why men suck and why I’mperfectly content with being single until the day Idie. He’sthe past, regardless of how apparent it is that he wishes he still had aplace in my present.

Logan Newcrest is like astray cat—you leave out abowl of tuna for it one too many times and it keeps coming back for more, no matter how often you kick the scraggly thing away.

Only in my case, I’ve given my stray cat one too many chances at redemption and now he won’tpiss off until he gets another. But newsflash, asshole. Not going to happen. Not in this lifetime at least.

Feeling abit more secure in myself, Ipush as much confidence as Ican into myself and meet his stare head on, keeping my eyes half-lidded in an almost glare that makes his mouth tip up, clearly amused. There’sapinch of something agonizing in my chest—an ugly concoction of shame and heartbreak—serving as areminder of the damage that this amber-eyed man has done to me. But Iknow behind that heavy-lidded, arrogant stare and dimpled smile that used to have me clawing—begging, more like it—for his attention, is nothing more than an empty shell of aman that once upon atime looked at me like Ihad been the one to light the sun on fire for him. Irealize now that he never truly thought that highly of me, that it was only aruse to burrow himself into my life. But it felt real. It felt like forever.

Until reality sucker punched me right in the tit.

“Let’sget this over with, guys,” Isay, turning over my hand and pulling Clare’shand into mine.

Clare gives my hand areassuring squeeze that says everything she doesn’t. Iappreciate that she doesn’tsay anything, doesn’task me if I’msure, or if I'mpositive. There’saquiet voice in my head that tells me Imight not have been able to do it if she had.

I’mthe one to lead us to our table, needing desperately to take control wherever Ipossibly can. And when we round the fish tank and take in the full view of our table, Idon’tlet myself show even asliver of the anger Ifeel pouring from every pore in my body.

My mother, all five-feet of her, jumps up from her chair at the far end of the table and claps like the restaurant isn’tfull and that it’sjust us at home. Her antics used to embarrass me when Iwas younger, but not anymore. You get used to it.

“Elizabeth! You look so gorgeous, sweetheart,” Dina Caster says in awe of her granddaughter. She swiftly ignores me and Clare, and stares down at the tiny girl that moves to hide behind Clare’sleg, eyeing the older woman—who might as well be astranger to her—like she doesn’tknow why she’stalking to her.

“You remember us, don’tyou, Lizzy girl?” My father, Leonard, grins that wide, carefree grin that used to wrap around me like awarm hug when Iwas Liz’sage. It doesn’thave the same effect on my niece, however. She moves further behind my sister and grips onto her thighs like she’ll sink through the floor if she doesn'thave something steady to hold onto.

“Mom. Dad.” Clare dips her head at the two of them before turning to crouch in front of Liz, gripping her shoulders lightly. “Say hi to Nana and PopPop, baby.”

My mother clicks her tongue rudely and walks to Clare’sside when she doesn’timmediately do as she’stold, attempting to brush her aside to get to her terrified granddaughter. “Don’tbe rude, Elizabeth. Say hello to your grandpa and me.”

“Mother,” Ihiss, wishing for asecond that shoving an old lady, let alone your own mother, wasn’tfrowned upon. “She probably doesn'tremember you. Did you really think that she would? It’sbeen what? Three years?”

“Hello, Sierra,” she sighs, eye-lids sweeping shut for amoment as if my mere existence exhausts her. She doesn’teven bother looking at me when she turns to the elephant at the table. “Are you not going to say hello to Logan? It was so thoughtful for him to agree to come tonight. He is such abusy man nowadays with his company taking off! You must be so proud of him.”

Hearing my own mother speak of my ex-boyfriend’saccomplishments with asense of pride that I’ve never heard from her in regards to my own, only makes my skin burn hotter, the blood beneath it reaching afull boil.

Istare at her without blinking, keeping my features lazy, bored. “Why is he here, Mom? You know full well that we’re no longer together. Iremember telling you why, as well.”

It’sLogan that speaks next after clearing his throat way louder than necessary. “I’mright here, S. Speak to me. You know that Ionly bite if you want me to.”

Ispare him afleeting glance and clamp down on my tongue. If his arrogant, tasteless words weren’tbad enough, his choice of outfit accessories is.

The navy and pale pink striped tie that Igot him last christmas is knotted snugly at the base of his throat and lays flat over acrisp, white button-up shirt, while agold Rolex—the one Isaved for for asolid year and gifted him on his birthday—is fitted below the custom cuff-links on his left wrist.

Isnort, unable to hold it in. “You couldn’tbe an even bigger prick even if you tried, Logan.”

My mother scoffs at my comment while my father lightly shushes her, gripping her forearm tightly. “Let’sjust sit down, shall we?” he suggests, looking like he might combust into aball of frustration if we continue creating ascene. Aset of tired, mahogany brown eyes flicker between the pest and me, yet Leonard Caster says nothing in my defence. Like always he’stoo terrified of his wife to ever dare speak out against her.

It’sstill awonder to me how he can stay married to my mom—happily, at that—when they’re such opposites. Whereas my mother doesn’tmind making her presence known in acrowded room, Dad would rather slip under an invisibility cloak to avoid even asingle set of curious eyes.

Ican almost feel his embarrassment from the scene that this wife has caused, but knowing that he probably didn’tagree with her inviting my ex-boyfriend, yet still went along with it is enough to keep my sympathy for him at bay. He will always be the same timid-mouthed man that I’ve known my whole life.

Swallowing hard, Istiffly dip my chin and take the empty seat beside my niece when Inotice that everybody else has already sat down. Inearly cry out with relief when Isee Clare sitting beside Logan, shooting me awink when she catches me looking. And when Ispare Logan aquick flick of my eyes, Ismile at his scowl of disapproval.

Clare and Sierra : 1

Cheating Bastard : 0

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