Page 54 of Illicit Desires (The Deepest Desires 3)

“Just, like, this connection we have.”Connection?! What fucking connection?“The chemistry we have. You’re hot as fuck, and I enjoy hooking up with you.”

Uhh. No. This is strange. But as my body warms and becomes comfortably numb, I can’t find it in me to care or worry about the shit he’s saying. “Uh, yeah, man. Thanks.”

He must approve of my reaction, because his body slithers down mine until he’s pulling my pajama pants past my thighs and off my legs. I’m soft, but that doesn’t deter him any. He sucks one of my nuts into his mouth, the unexpected sensation causing my hips to buck.

My cock finally perks up, twitching and demanding attention, to which he happily obliges. He swallows my length, moaning with his lips around me. My hands go to his hair, gripping the locks as my eyes flutter closed.

With my eyes closed, it’s so easy to pretend that the body between my thighs and the mouth around my cock belongs to a familiar brunette man with deep green eyes, and the hands toying with my balls are tattooed and calloused. It’s easy to fantasize about Anderson blowing me. Anderson worshiping me.

And when I explode down the tight, constricting throat, it’s easy to pretend that it’s his throat I’m spilling down. It’s his moans vibrating through my body.

But it isn’t.

Not even close.

Chapter Twenty

Anderson

Trying his number one more time, I’m not even surprised it goes straight to voicemail. I’ve been calling and texting him for two fucking days, and all I’ve gotten is radio silence.

After I asked him to leave the other night when Calina caught us, she and I spent the majority of the night hashing everything out. There was lots of yelling and lots of crying. Even though I didn’t want to be with her anymore, it didn’t mean I wanted to hurt her. Despite us not being right for each other, she’s still a good person and doesn’t deserve what I put her through.

When I had originally decided to break it off with her, I was torn on whether I’d tell her about my feelings for Crew or not. Part of me thought it was selfish—that it was just me feeling guilty and telling her about it would help relieve that guilt, but that would only be helping me and hurting her unnecessarily. Another part of me, though, felt she had a right to know, and that I would want to know if the roles were reversed.

But would I?

My mind still wasn’t fully made up one way or the other by the time we were forced into the conversation. In the end though, when she asked about him, I couldn’t lie—she literally caught us together. I didn’t tell her everything… because thatwouldhave been selfish, plus what’s happened between Crew and I is private.Personal. It means something to me, and I’m not willing to cheapen it by telling her. Or anybody.

We finally finished talking when the sun was coming up. After we packed up her stuff, I paid for her flight to be changed. She was able to catch a flight a few hours later, and once I dropped her off at the airport, I came back home and crashed. Mentally and physically, I was exhausted.

To make matters worse, Crew isn’t speaking to me. Which I get to an extent. As soon as I woke up from my nap after the airport, I spent the rest of the night calling and texting him. Did the same all day yesterday, too. Told myself if he still wasn’t answering by this morning, I would go over to his house. Confront him. Make him talk. Make himlisten.

Which is what I’m on my way to do right now.

Turning onto his street, my palms start to sweat, and my heart’s in my throat. It guts me that he’s been ignoring me, and he most likely thinks I picked Calina over him. His house comes into view and…what the fuck?Why is Kalen here?

Is this why he’s been ignoring me for days? For Kalen?

No.No.He wouldn’t do that to me. They’ve hooked up in the past, but he wouldn’t now, would he? By the time I pull into the driveway, I’m white-knuckling the steering wheel. I can’t hear the music playing over the blood whooshing in my ears, and my stomach twists painfully.

I put the car in park but don’t get out yet.Breathe, Anderson. Nothing has been confirmed yet. Just because he’s here doesn’t mean anything. They could just be hanging out. Exhaling a lungful of air, I get out and make my way toward the house. This is just like any other time I’ve been here. I’m going to treat it no differently.

Punching in the code to unlock the door, the first thing I notice once I walk in is the silence. It sounds like nobody’s home. Walking through the main level confirms no one is down here. My feet take me to the staircase. With one hand on the banister, I wait a moment before heading upstairs.

Fuck.Please don’t be upstairs. Why would they be up there?

I can’t put this off forever. I came here for a reason and regardless of what I find, I gotta follow through. Gotta know one way or another. Can’t bitch out now.

But… what if I walk up there and they’re fucking?! Fuck, I can barely swallow over the lump in my throat.

Please don’t be fucking.

With shaky legs and shoes filled with cement, I make my way up the stairs. The closer I get to the top, the more my stomach rolls. More silence greets me once I take the last step, which calms my nerves only slightly. If they were fucking, I would be able to hear them. Crew is vocal.

Fuck. Stop thinking about it.

My chest feels heavy as I walk down the hall and stop outside his door. Hiscloseddoor. Fuck it. Whatever faces me on the other side, I can handle. The suspense and the unknown are crippling. Twisting the handle, the door shoves open, and I walk in, stopping when I take in the room before me.

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