Page 61 of Dirty Dix

The moment he’s out of sight, I let out the pent-up breath I was holding and lean over, bracing my hands on my knees and taking five deep breaths. When I feel relatively calm, I stand back up and attempt to process everything.

Tonight has been one of the craziest nights of my life, and I’ve lived through some crazy shit. It all started with meeting David’s parents. I was beyond nervous, but the moment I met Deanand Rhonda, all my nerves were put to rest. Our conversation wasn’t forced, and before I knew it, we were bidding one another farewell and promising to catch up soon.

Not once did my thoughts stray to Dixon, and as David glanced at me throughout the evening with nothing but adoration in his eyes, I realized I wasn’t being fair to him. While I was barely making an effort, he was trying, so when he asked if I wanted to stay the night at his place, I said yes.

He was beyond excited, and his enthusiasm was contagious because before I knew it, we were making out in my apartment, heading toward my bedroom. We were only supposed to drop by my place so I could grab a change of clothes, but I got caught up in David’s hypnotizing eyes and dimpled smile. I was also feeling a touch rejected by Dixon, who I hadn’t heard from all week.

I like David. I really do. He’s straightforward, and he doesn’t mess with my head. Not to mention he’s the perfect gentleman with perfect parents. So why did I freak out when we started getting hot and heavy?

It was because being with David is easy, and nothing thus far has been easy in my life. What if he’s really too good to be true, and I fall in too deep, letting myself go, and he hurts me? What happens if he finds out the true reason behind my detachment and can’t handle the truth?

These thoughts plagued my mind, and before I knew it, he was unzipping my jeans and burying his face where Ineverwant anyone to be. He felt me freak out and begged me to tell him what was wrong. But I couldn’t. I’m not ready to tell him. I’m not ready to relive the worst night of my life.

But then I did something stupid. I threw him out. I threw him out with no explanation for why I flipped out. And like the true gentleman that he is, he left.

His kind response made me feel even worse, and I called the only person who could make it go away.

Mary.

She was out at Cherry Pop, so I caught a cab and met her there. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was secretly hoping I would bump into Dixon again. However, my horrible night went from bad to fucking worse.

The club was huge, and it didn’t help that half of Manhattan was there. We didn’t organize a place to meet, so I went upstairs in hopes I would find her there. Instead, I found Dixon basically getting a lap dance from a blonde barfly, and he didn’t seem to mind.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, and I ended up running down the stairs and directly into Tim.

He was the last person I wanted to see, so I couldn’t help but give him a piece of my mind once and for all. I was handling my own just fine, but then out of nowhere, Dixon came throwing down like the fucking Terminator. Memories of the eager, handsy blonde plagued my mind, and I was mad that he was here, saving the day once again because he clearly wasn’t thinking about me five minutes ago.

Then before I knew it, Dixon’s fragrance and chivalry were screwing with me, and I was being whisked away in the rain.

In the car, Dixon did it to me once again, and I lost all sense of reason and told him things I never intended to say. When he asked me if I wanted to be dropped off anywhere, I couldn’t say David’s place for obvious reasons. And Mary was probably drunk and on the prowl, as she had finally stopped hating men.

So it made sense to go to his place and call her instead of turning up on her doorstep unannounced, and honestly, I wanted to spend more time with him and ask why he didn’t contact me all week. I know I have no right to be mad, but we were moments away from kissing on Monday night, and then I got the cold shoulder all week.

I don’t get it. I don’t get him. And I don’t get my reaction toward him, especially when I’m supposedly dating David.

I need to stay away, but I can’t.

“Here you go,” Dixon says, snapping me out of my thoughts as he passes me a burgundy towel and his phone.

“Thanks.” I unclasp my messy bun and towel off my hair, paying attention to the soaked ends.

“Can I get you a drink? Coffee? Tea? Water?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Just water, please,” I reply, as my tipsy body needs some H2O.

“Sure thing.” He disappears once again.

I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but Dixon appears nervous. I disregard it and dial Mary. As expected, she doesn’t answer.

I could call Sebastian, but I don’t want to disturb him and my mom at two o’clock in the morning.

Dixon returns moments later with a goblet of water and a bag of peas.

“Did you get ahold of her?” he asks, and I notice he’s changed into a navy V-neck tee.

I shake my head. “No. She’s not answering. I’ll try again.”

After ten fruitless phone calls and an abundance of wasted text messages, I give up.

---