Page 52 of Dirty Dix

“Um…David, I don’t know.”

“Why, Maddy? You know I’m crazy about you, and I’m not going anywhere,” he softly states.

“I know, and I’m into you, too.”

“But?” he prompts.

“But this is a big step.”

“I know. But I’m ready to take it with you,” he says, his voice displaying nothing but care.

My breath comes out in small pants as I can’t take the pressure.Just say no, Madison,my inner self screams.Learn to say no.

David is sweet and kind, and I’m dating him. Just because the man I’m obsessing over is sitting in my living room doesn’t warrant me to be so detached.

“Okay, fine. Early dinner, though,” I say, finally caving. “I’ve got a ton of homework I gotta get through this weekend.”

“You got it, babe. Whatever you want,” David says excitedly, and I can’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “I’ll make all the arrangements. My mom is going to flip. She’s really excited to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet your mom, too,” I reply, massaging my temple.

I really should go, as Dixon is in the other room, and I’m being extremely rude.

“Maddy?” David questions.

“Yeah?” I reply, not liking his tone.

“Maybe after we’re done, you could, I don’t know, maybe spend the night? I could help you study,” David suggests, and I can hear the apprehension in his voice.

I pause, needing a moment to process his question. David and I have kissed and fooled around a little, but it’s been quite tame. He hasn’t pushed with the sex stuff, and although I haven’t told him about my past, he knows something nasty lies dormantin my memories. However, he respects my need for space and doesn’t push.

But meeting his parents and spending the night is too much for me.

I just…can’t.

My silence says it all, and David says, “It’s okay. I understand. I’m sorry for asking.”

The hint of disappointment stabs me in the chest, so I stupidly reply, “I’ll think about it. But I’m not making any promises.”

“Oh, Maddy,” David gushes. “You’re the best. I’m so lucky.”

His kindness really amazes me and makes me feel like an even bigger bitch for being so insensitive.

“I’m lucky, too. Anyway, I better go. I’ve got a mountain of homework with my name written all over it.”

“Oh, okay, cool. Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” I reply, picking at a loose thread on my comforter.

“Bye, babe. And I mean it. I’m so lucky to have met you.”

I feel like an ass, but this is getting to be too much.

“Thanks, um, bye.”

Sighing, I rub my temples and take a moment to center myself before I go back out there. What the hell did I just agree to? I’m so confused, and I hate to admit the reason is sitting in my living room right this second.

Before Dixon re-emerged, I was beginning to open up and could see things with David actually progressing. But now that Dixon’s back and almost kissing me, I don’t know what to do. Maybe this was a bad idea and I’m kidding myself into thinking we could everjustbe friends. I don’t know what it is about him, but he’s the first guy I have ever felt this way about. He’s the first guy I can actually think about in a physical way and not freak out.

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