Page 4 of Dirty Dix

“Oh, dude.” He sighs, and I can hear the pity in his tone. “It would have been your one-year anniver—” He suddenly pauses, not wanting to fill in the blanks.

One year?

Holy shit. One year ago, I would have been married to the love of my life, Lillian Davis. Just thinking her name makes me want to dig my brain out with an ice cream scoop.

If I believed in soul mates, then Lily was mine. We met three years ago in a line at Starbucks, and it was love at first macchiato. I proposed to her halfway through our relationship because we were happy and ready to take the next step. Well, I was. But I believed she was too until she met my buddy Leo.

Leo also grew up with Hunter, Finch, and me in New Jersey and moved to the Big Smoke with us. But Leo obviously didn’t value our friendship the way I did because he fucked Lily behind my back for months.

Lily dumped me six weeks before our wedding because she was in love with Leo. I couldn’t accept the words coming fromher lips, but her words became crystal clear when she showed me the reason behind her recent weight gain. Not only was she in love with my best friend but she was also having his baby. I knew it wasn’t mine because we hadn’t had sex in over three months. I know, I know, I should have seen the warning signs, but love is blind and all that crap.

So things couldn’t get any clearer after that.

She blamed her infidelity on me, stating she never saw me and I put work first. Ididput work first, but only so I could pay for the three-carat diamond on her finger and the lavish, upscale Manhattan condo she insisted we buy.

I did all of this for her. And she thanks me by screwing my best friend and bearing his spawn.

So after she left me, I went a little wild.

But this lifestyle is no longer just a phase—it’s who I am. I’ve become addicted to senseless, shameless sexual acts with random women, knowing that, on some level, I’m hoping to replace the face of the one woman who took an ax to my heart and hacked into it, leaving behind a bloodied, broken mess of the man I once was.

But these hookups are slowly losing their appeal, and I’m afraid I’ll wake up one day and no longer recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror.

So there you have it, that’s my life in a nutshell. I eat, sleep, work, and fuck because that’s what I have to do to survive. It’s a sad, miserable existence, but it’s better than being a love-sick puppy, pining after a woman who doesn’t give a damn.

Snapping back into the now, my shields slip into place, and I try my best to appear nonchalant. “Big deal. I’m over it. I’m overher.”

Finch frowns while Hunter disputes my claim. “No, man, you’re not. If you were, then you’d have no problem with metelling you that Leo the Ass and Lily the Whore are getting married next month.”

“Jesus, Hunter!” Finch scolds, shaking his head.

“What? If he’s over it, me telling him this shouldn’t be a problem,” Hunter states with a shrug.

Hunter’s tactlessness doesn’t bother me in the slightest. His statement, however, does.

“She’smarryingthat asshole?” I spit out, disgusted, but more so, I’m hurt.

What does he have that I don’t? I swallow down my defeat and repulsion, and need to get the hell outta Dodge before I fucking lose it.

“Dixon,” Finch says with nothing but pity in his tone, but I don’t want his sympathy.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand after finishing my lukewarm, stolen beer, I stand, hoping my friends understand why I need a minute alone.

“I’m going out for a cigarette.” I pat down my jacket pockets to find my smokes.

Thankfully, they let it go and don’t make a fuss when I push through the massive crowd. As I step outside onto the pavement, I light a Marlboro and take a much-needed drag as I lean back against the brick wall.

I would be a liar if I said I never thought of Lily because I think about her more often than I care to admit. I gave up on the dream of reconciliation long ago, but deep down, I wished her relationship with Leo had failed.

My life is a mess, and the only person I could talk to about this is dead.

My mom passed away six months ago from breast cancer, and the loss destroyed my father. He had a major mental breakdown and now resides at Sunnyfields Hospital. Ironic, isn’t it? DixonMathews, New York’s finest shrink, can’t even help his own father.

Automatically taking a drag of my cigarette, I’m lost in the past—a place I’d rather not be. So when I hear the animated voices of a couple to my left, I welcome the distraction.

Turning to see what the commotion is all about, I see a short brunette being manhandled by a meaty jock, who is jerking her a little too roughly by her upper arms. She’s fucking tiny, and his huge paws are going to snap her into two.

“Let me go,” she scowls, attempting to pull out of his grasp.

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