“We all tried everythin’ to help ya, but ya didn’t want us to. I felt fuckin’ helpless!” he argues, unable to stop his emotions. “Do ya know how that made me feel? I’ve been livin’ with this guilt for ten fuckin’ years! I would have traded my freedom for yours. In a heartbeat. But ye just left us…ya fuckin’ broke me.”
“I had no choice,” I say between clenched teeth.
“Bullshit! Ya could have seen me or written me back. But ya chose not to!”
“I never chose anythin’!” I scream, arms out wide. “Brody Doyle made me promise not to make contact with all youse! If I did, he’d kill the lot of ya, includin’ the twins. I needed to be gone, forgotten, to keep ya safe! Ya think I wanted to be alone, rotting in that cell? I would have given anythin’ to see ya. See all of youse!
“But I couldn’t. I was tryin’ to keep youse safe. I was tryin’ to do the right thing for once! Besides, with me gone, youse had a chance to live a better life. A life yechose, not forced onto ya!”
Cian stands before me, his mouth agape. I never wanted to tell him this, but I can’t go on with him thinking I did this because I wanted to.
“He wanted Belfast as his own, and he couldn’t do that with me in the background. I had to be forgotten.”
“How could we forget someone like you, Punky?” Cian says, shaking his head. “I fuckin’ love ya. Yer my brother. I needed ya.”
My heart can’t take this any longer. I tried to be strong. For ten years, I refused to think of them because it just hurt. But now that I’m out, I can’t allow them to think I never cared. It was because Ididcare that I did what I had to, to keep them safe.
“I wanted a normal life for ya.”
“Normal?” Cian scoffs. “There’s nothin’ normal about a Doyle takin’ over Belfast! We were nothin’ without the Kellys. My da put a fuckin’ bullet in his head because of what happened to yer da! Tell me, how’s that normal?”
“Oh, fuck, Cian,” I say with utter regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” His dad is dead? This war has seen so many casualties.
“That’s right, ye didn’t know ’cause ya locked us all out! All I wanted was my best friend, but ya just—” A sob leaves him, and I reach out to hug him, unable to see him in pain.
“I’m so sorry. Forgive me.”
He hugs me back, sobbing into my shoulder. I failed him. I failed them all. I believed I was saving them, but all I’ve done is hurt them terribly.
Brody Doyle and Sean Kelly are going to fucking pay.
“I need to tell ya somethin’,” I confess, realizing I can’t do this alone. I wanted to give Cian a chance at living a normal life, but this is our normal.
Cian pulls away slowly, wiping away his tears.
“Hannah found Sean’s journals in storage,” I reveal, needing to retell this at my own pace. “Brody Doyle isn’t my dad.”
Cian’s eyes widen. “Then who is?”
With a sigh, I reveal the truth, the truth which has plagued me since I found out who I was. “Iama Kelly, Cian. Sean is my dad.”
Cian opens but soon closes his mouth before snatching the bottle from my hand and gulping the contents down.
“He killed my ma because she was going to tell Connor that Sean was in business with the Doyles. He was the one behind all of this. Hannah saw him here. He’s trying to recruit Ethan. He needs a puppet he can control.
“I didn’t fit the prototype. That’s why he has no issues makin’ me the scapegoat.”
“Yer fuckin’ jokin’ me?” Cian gasps when he can finally construct a sentence.
“I have it in his own handwriting. Everything he did.”
“But we buried him? Did we not?”
“I don’t know who ya buried, but it wasn’t Sean. He’s been waitin’ in the shadows, ready to strike when the time is right. He failed once before, but he’s learned from his mistakes. He’s got what he always wanted—Connor and me out of the picture.
“He couldn’t be the top dog with Connor and me alive. His greed, his need to be number one, is what started all this. My ma made a mistake. She fell for Sean’s lies. We all did. And that cost her her life. She was in that bungalow, trying to escape, to make a better life for me, but he found her and made her pay for betraying him.”
“Why did Brody say he was yer dad then?”