Page 62 of Fallen Saint

I want him so much, consequences be damned.

Slipping my hands under his T-shirt, I run my fingers down his chest, relishing in the way his skin prickles under my touch. When I reach his nipple piercing, I circle the metal before tugging lightly. Saint moans into my mouth and bucks against me.

His abs are the next thing I caress.

Saint reaches between us, rubbing over my shorts roughly. I am so aroused it will only take a few quick strokes, and I will come. He lowers his head to my neck, biting over my pulse. Helpless to him, I bounce against his fingers, all the while stroking his hot, hard body.

He snaps the waistband of my shorts, diving into my underwear and sinking two fingers into me. I am lost to the feeling, and shamelessly, as I arch backward, riding his hand, I come within seconds. Saint moans into my neck, robbing me of every last tremor.

When I’ve come down, I want to return the favor, but Saint removes his fingers, the ones buried deep within me, and puts them into his mouth. He suckles, humming in utter bliss. Weeks ago, I would have turned a beet red, but now, I just get slicker between the legs.

When he’s done cleaning his fingers, he wraps his arms around my waist and draws me close. “Here.” With one hand, he reaches into his backpack and produces his journal. “I want you to take this.”

I eye it like he’s just given me a live grenade. “Why?”

“It’s my journal,” he explains. I know what it is, but I need to know why he’s giving it to me. “There are notes on the people you will most likely meet. The Circle.”

My mouth hangs open in understanding.

“To beat your enemy, you need to become them. This will give you everything you need to know. If something were to happen, use this to save yourself.”

I gulp because it’s all so dire, but I know he isn’t being melodramatic. When he offers it to me, I resist the urge to flip through it right then. I place it under the pillow and promise to guard it with my life.

“I don’t have much time.” He sighs, running his fingers through my hair. “I will be in touch. I have a plan.”

Of course he does.

I know he can’t tell me, seeing as my room is bugged and under surveillance. Odds are Alek’s men have already seen us, but we just don’t care anymore.

He hunts through his backpack once more, and when the silver of his switchblade catches the light, I shiver. He places it in my hand, nodding subtly. “Use it if you need it.”

The metal feels heavy, but I know it’s only my mind playing tricks.

“Don’t hesitate,” he orders, running his finger along the apple of my cheek.

“Okay.” I lean into his touch, closing my eyes.

He takes his time because just as I did earlier, it’s now his turn to commit me to memory. He traces down the slope of my nose before caressing over my parted lips. I am so lost to him that not even a roadmap could guide me to any other road but him.

“Love and fear, I’ve come to learn, are one and the same. It makes you feel the same. Your heart rate increases. Your palms sweat. And most of the time, you want to die. That’s how I feel whenever I’m around you.”

My eyes pop open because his analogy is absolutely perfect.

“I fear what I feel for you,a????. For the first time in my entire life, I’m afraid, and I think that’s because”—he wets his lips while I remaincompletely still—“I fear love. But in the same breath, I love fear. I thought I was destined for only one, but then, I met you, and you changed everything.

“You are the only thing I fear in this world because I…I…lo—” He shakes his head, expressing how hard this is for him. And I understand.

So, for now, this will have to do. I will hold his imperfectly perfect analogy close to my heart.

Placing a finger over his lips, I silence him. “I fear you too.”

It’s unorthodox, but I was struggling to find the right words for how I feel about Saint, and now, I’ve just found them. I fear him because I love him too. But my fear is because I am scared of losing him. I am scared of the way he makes me feel because I am so in love with him. Being without him is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to face.

To most, it doesn’t make sense, but to me, I have never felt more certain than I do right now.

Saint presses his forehead to mine. “I have to go.”

Those words leave me a whimpering mess, but I nod quickly, holding back my tears. “Okay.”

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