Page 36 of Fallen Saint

“No.” Saint rushes over and sits beside me. “This masquerade ball is your out.”

“How?” I laugh hysterically, skating close to the edge.

“Because a masquerade ball means anyone can be you.”

My maniacal laughter soon dies.

“There is a trapdoor—”

“In the kitchen. I know,” I interrupt, watching as Saint’s eyes widen.

“It shouldn’t surprise me that you know this,” he says with a hint of a grin. “Anyway, that door leads to the gardens. I will have someone waiting for you on the other side. I will disrupt the live feed to the cameras to give you a window to escape. It’ll be small, but it’ll be enough.”

The inevitable lingers. “Wh-what about you?” I can’t keep the fear from my tone.

He reaches for my hand and squeezes softly. “I will be here watching you on the cameras. Alek’s men won’t allow me in the control room unsupervised for too long. But I will do everything, everything in my power to keep you safe.”

“Saint—” But I can’t speak because tears replace my words.

“Don’t cry.” He wipes away my tears with his thumb. “This is the only way.”

“I-I…” I choke on my words, my heart shattering into two. “I can’t go without you.”

“You have to,” he presses, and his stern tone divulges this isn’t negotiable.

“I won’t,” I sob, shaking my head.

“Please, a????, let me do this. Let me make this right. I owe you this.”

“You owe me nothing! If you want to owe me anything, come with me.” Unable to control my emotions, I smash my lips to his, desperate to bridge this gap between us. I have survived this because of him, so the thought of doing it without him…I don’t know if I can.

“You don’t need me,” he says against my mouth, moaning when I bite his bottom lip.

But I do.

Threading my fingers through his hair, I tug hard, needing to anchor myself before I fade away. When our tongues duel desperately, I’m struck with an idea. “My virginity is the reason for all this,” I whisper between kisses. “But there is a solution.”

“And what’s that?” He melts in my mouth, affirming my thoughts.

Pushing my bashfulness aside, I slowly walk my fingers over to the front of Saint’s pants, rubbing over his bulge.

His eyes pop open as he pulls away. “No,” he firmly presses, gripping my wrist to stop me from touching him.

“It’s the only way,” I reason, attempting to set myself free. But Saint holds on tightly, exposing his thoughts on the matter. “Alek only wants me because I’m a virgin. He sees me as an even bigger conquest now. But if I’m not…”

“If you’re not, then you’re as good as dead,” he counters with bite. “That’s the only thing keeping you alive.”

“You call this being alive?” My voice quivers as my desperation surfaces. “I won’t give myself to him willingly. But I will”— I nervously lick my trembling lips while Saint follows the action with longing —“to you.”

He hisses, recoiling as if my words have burned him. “A????, no.”

I can’t help but feel rejected because this isn’t the first time he’s said no. However, I’m not deterred and forget my coyness. “Why not? I-I want you.”

He groans, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling. “I can’t. Please understand.”

But no, I won’t.

Gripping his bicep, I force him to look at me, and when he does, my heart sinks with his. “I have already ruined your life. I won’t ruin this for you too.”

---