Page 61 of Forgetting You, Forgetting Me

“I don’t want your help,” he spits, pointing at Saxon. “You can go back to fucking Oregon and live your perfect life.”

“Fine!” Saxon kicks back his seat and stands. “I don’t need this shit.” Leaning forward and bracing his hand on the table, he pins Sam with a defiant stare. “Amnesia or not, you haven’t changed. You wanted to know the reason why I left? Well, the reason is you.”

“Saxon!” Kellie shrieks, standing.

But he ignores her. “I covered myself in tattoos, grew out my hair, and left this shithole dump because I needed to forget! I needed to forgetyou. Every time I look into the mirror, I’m reminded that you’re my brother, and I fucking hate it. I fucking hate you. And I know you rememberwhyI hate you.”

Samuel shoots up, mimicking Saxon’s terrifying pose. It’s the ultimate standoff, and I’m afraid of what might happen when someone decides to move.

“Boys, that’s enough!” roars Greg, thumping his fist on the table.

I look between Samuel and Saxon, my body trembling, horrified at this scene of pure hatred. What did Samuel do? I used to think their differences were a simple misunderstanding, but now I know that’s not true.

When a tear slips down my cheek, Saxon’s eyes rivet my way. His gaze softens. “You don’t deserve her, you son of a bitch.” He pushes off the table and storms from the room, while I’m left with my mouth hanging open.

The room explodes into pandemonium as Kellie flails over to Samuel to ensure he’s all right. “This is just like Saxon to ruin a family meal.” She looks over at Greg, who shakes his head, disappointed.

This isn’t Saxon’s fault. Kellie’s cruel comment reminds me of the stories Saxon shared with me. It appears he’s been taking the blame for all of their family troubles, and it’s not right. I can’t take it a second longer. I spring up from my seat and run to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I slide down it, needing a moment to catch my breath. Once I slump to the floor, feelings of hopelessness overtake me. Reaching for a perfume bottle off the basin, I hurl it against the wall, it shattering into a million pieces, just like my heart.

For the first time ever, I want to console Saxon and not Sam. I sink even further at the messed-up situation I find myself in. I’m so frightened that Saxon is about to leave. He has every right to. But if he goes, how am I going to survive this? Saxon is the only person who understands what I’m going through because he’s going through it, too.

Does Sam really remember whatever transpired between him and Saxon? And if he does, what did he do?

Needing answers, I take a deep breath and swallow down my tears because crying isn’t going to solve a thing. Standing, I splash some cold water onto my face and decide to get to the bottom of this rift once and for all.

Opening the door, I charge down the hallway, ready to kick hostilities’ butt, but sadly, the only butt that gets kicked is mine.

“I hate being here, pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m trying, I really am, but I can’t stand the sight of her. I have no idea what I ever saw in her and honestly, being here is just hindering my progress. She’s constantly down my throat, forcing me to remember her. But you know what, there’s a reason why I don’t remember her. It’s because she makes me sick. She’s a reminder of a past I don’t want to remember.”

I sag against the wall, ensuring I stay out of sight as I mute my whimpers behind my hand.

“Samuel, just give her a chance. She loves you so much.”

“That’s the problem…I don’t love her. And I doubt I ever did.”

I can’t hear another word. I can’t stand here and listen to the love of my life renounce his love for me.

I tear down the hall, yanking open the door and soaring down the stairs, tears of betrayal burning my eyes. The moment the night air caresses my heated skin, I kick off my shoes and take off in a dead sprint, needing to get away from this painful ordeal.

I don’t know where I’m running to; it just feels good to be free. My feet sink into the flourishing grass, but I push harder and harder, the burn in my entire body animating my every move. Spreading my arms out wide, I close my eyes. I wish I could take flight and leave my life behind. My life as I knew it is no longer and I don’t know what to do.

The cool wind whips at my face as my hair catches on the breeze, trailing behind me. I push forward, the adrenalin kick helping me to run faster. The moonlight illuminates the stables, a silent suggestion of where I should go. I tear inside, working on autopilot as I jerk open the door to Potter’s pen. He backs up, unsteady and frightened by my abrupt arrival, but when he senses it’s me, he steadies.

Without delay, I quickly put on his bridle, before I mount him, bareback, and squeeze my calves around his muscular barrel. “Let’s go!” I cluck my tongue twice, sending Potter into a high-speed gallop.

Loosely clutching the reins, I push my weight forward, allowing my body to become one with this magnificent beast as he dashes out of the stables and onto the vast land. I bounce in sync with his strides, squeezing my legs on his sides, encouraging him to go faster.

We have bonded and established a mutual respect and trust for one another. And we have also developed good communication over the years, so when I roar, “Hike!” he knows I want him to really stretch his legs and don’t hold back.

The full moon is the only light source we need as we ride through the fields, with no real destination in mind. As I lead him towards the back of the barn, an orange ember catches my eye, and I know without really looking who it is.

Saxon pushes off the wall, his eyes wide when he sees me sitting on the back of my horse with tears streaming down my face. “Lucy!” he calls out, throwing his cigarette to the ground.

But I don’t stop. I can’t. This is the first time in forever that I feel like I can finally breathe.

“Faster!” I yell, thumping Potter’s sides with my legs. He obliges. He runs faster and faster but yet, it’s not fast enough.

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