Page 53 of Mine to Keep

Bryn reached out and ran her hand across his shoulder, massaging gently. “Holding grudges is exhausting.”

“I’ve been holding one for two years,” he said with a sarcastic tone. “The problem I keep having is that every time I think about having any kind of relationship with Steve and my mom, I feel guilty about my dad.”

“But isn’t he pushing you to have one?”

“He is. But then he does things like showing up today for an hour or so and then leaving.”

“What? Your dad’s gone already?”

“He left about ten minutes ago,” Jamison said. “He brought his girlfriend, Lanie, but they left. I don’t know why. I have to assume it had to do with Steve and my mom.”

“That’s a big assumption. Did you ask him why he was leaving?”

“Well, no.”

“Did you tell him what happened and how you’re feeling?” She felt compelled to help him sort through his emotions for some reason. She didn’t understand why. Perhaps it was because she’d never have this kind of attachment to family again. And he was the only friend she had in Lighthouse Cove.

Sure, she had Zadie, but it would be a few years before she was old enough for them to develop that kind of mother-daughter bond.

“We talked out here for a good half an hour. He doesn’t believe I have any reason to feel guilty and said the only reason he felt the need to leave today was because Grandma wasn’t feeling well. Which is true. She wanted to go home and rest.”

“Do you think maybe you’re using your dad as an excuse not to get to know Steve and to hold onto your hurt feelings?”

Jamison laughed. “That’s exactly what my dad, Lanie, and grandma think. But I also believe there’s more to it than that. It’s like I have this emotional block and can’t get past the idea that I’m not a Kirby.”

“How do you think someone who’s adopted feels?”

“Wow. You sound just like my grandma.”

“Dalton is your dad. You have a father-son bond that can’t be taken away. Not even by Steve, who you share biology with.”

“Have you checked out how much I look like Steve?” Jamison shifted his body, pulling her between his legs.

For a split second, she considered moving out of his embrace. Instead, she leaned back against his firm chest and closed her eyes. She focused on the sound of the waves lapping at the shoreline. She inhaled deeply, letting the salty air tickle her lungs before expelling it back out into the elements. She felt safe, secure, and cared for, and that was an uneasy sensation. But not so much that she was willing to pull away.

Not just yet anyway.

He rested his chin on her head. “I look at him, and it’s like looking into a mirror to the future. My mom showed me pictures of him when he was my age, and it was like looking at me in bad clothing choices.”

She chuckled.

“I know I’m beating a dead horse with all of this, but I can’t shake it. As soon as I let a little of the anger go, something happens, and I’m reminded that my entire life was one big lie.”

“Did your parents love you?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Did you have a good childhood?”

“That’s a bit of a loaded question,” he admitted. “My mom and dad fought a lot, and my dad left a few times. So, the answer is…yes and no. It was dysfunctional, but it wasn’t horrible.”

Bryn decided to make up a truthful lie. If she could help Jamison get past this hurdle where he could be a part of his family again, then it was worth a little dishonestly birthed from part of the truth. “I grew up in an abusive home.”

He wrapped his arms tighter around her body. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

She gripped his forearms. The memories of Timothy’s fists connecting with her cheekbone were all too real. She needed to tell this as if Timothy were her father, not her husband. It was the only way she could help Jamison. And he’d never find out about her lies. If he did, he’d hate her, because the one thing she knew about him was that he couldn’t tolerate that kind of betrayal.

“My dad hit me.” It wasn’t her dad; it was her husband. That was a distinction she needed to remind herself of.

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