Page 43 of Mine to Keep

“I’m sure the sting of being cheated on by his wife didn’t help the relationship with his mom.”

“Like I said, you’re a smart cookie.” Willa pointed to a squirmy Zadie. “May I pick her up?”

“She’s going to be fussy for food soon, so be my guest.” That’s another thing that Bryn enjoyed about Willa. She always asked before randomly picking up her kid.

Willa lifted Zadie over her shoulder and patted the baby’s behind. “Jamison’s the youngest of seven boys. Imagine that growing up. And his older brothers were hard on him. Relentless at times. But that young man let it all roll off his back like he hadn’t a care in the world. When he found out about his paternity, it was like his entire existence had been washed out to sea. He didn’t know who he was or how he fit in anymore. At first, his brothers were just as angry and upset as he was, especially when their parents finally called it quits.” Willa shifted the baby to her other shoulder as Zadie squirmed more.

“It sounds like Jamison’s parents had marital problems for a long time.”

“They did, and they probably should have divorced after they had kid number three, but they didn’t. Truth be told, Steve coming back was the catalyst, but not the reason, and when the older boys realized that, they accepted the relationship. But Jamison, because he’s the product of the first affair, he can’t seem to come around.”

Part of Bryn could totally understand where Jamison was coming from. His identity had completely changed. The biology of who he thought he was, and the reality of the DNA, were two very different things.

However, that didn’t change who he was or who he’d become. He was still the same man, and that was the disconnect for Bryn. Jamison held onto his hurt and pain like a medal and displayed it as if it were a scarlet letter. Factor in a cheating wife, and it was the perfect storm.

One thing Bryn had learned from being married to a control freak: The more Timothy pushed her to do what he wanted, the more she wanted to rebel. However, when he became violent and stripped her of all her self-worth, she’d lost herself and became someone she didn’t recognize anymore.

She couldn’t figure out if Jamison was the kind of man who had controlled his wife to the point where she lashed out by having an affair, or if he was the type of man who had a kind heart that people tended to put a knife in, which meant he was bleeding out all over the floor now.

It was a hard thing to figure out because Jamison sat on two fences. He was a victim in his parents’ mistake.

A victim in his wife’s affair.

But he tended to control and take action where a little communication would be more efficient.

It was the latter that made Bryn want to keep Jamison at arm’s length. But he paid her a decent wage that would help her pay her first month’s rent and get more supplies for her business. Right now, she needed the pesky firefighter with his side handyman job. But she’d keep her wits about her, and she’d make damn sure he stayed in his lane.

“Maybe if they backed off and gave him space instead of constantly telling him what to do, he might decide to have the necessary conversations to mend fences all on his own.” It felt like Jamison wanted to do that, but he wanted to do it onhisterms. Not his mothers, or Steve’s, or even his brothers’. But the longer he waited, the harder it became. Bryn understood. This was completely different than her marriage to Timothy, or what his family had done as they stripped her of her power.

Yet Jamison was holding on to what little control he had over his life.

She’d done that with eating. She chose what went into her mouth, how much or how little, and how often. Her weight went up and down like a rollercoaster. It became another thing for Timothy to hit her over, but still, it was the one thing she had a say in. Jamison had decided who he wanted to have a relationship with and who he didn’t.

“That’s what his father keeps telling everyone, but his mom pushes.” Willa kissed Zadie on the forehead. “Jamison and his mom are a lot alike. Stubborn. Know-it-alls. And they like to do things their way. Once, when Chip and Jamison were over here building that carport, I heard those two boys yelling and screaming at each other. I swear, I thought they might get into a fistfight. Not kidding.”

“What were they fighting over?”

“I’m not exactly sure. But it had to do with the best way to build it. Chip eventually threw his hands up and caved, deciding it was better to do it however Jamison wanted than to stand there and fight with his best friend.”

Another reason to keep Jamison at a safe distance. She was sure that Jamison wasn’t like Timothy in the sense that he was a wife-beater. But being a control freak had its pitfalls, too. However, Bryn would never be ready to let a man into her life.

Never.

Not even when Zadie was grown.

“Jamison is a perfectionist. Chip, not so much. So, I think it was a good idea to do it Jamison’s way. But sometimes he’s so stubborn he can’t see past his own nose, and that can be a problem.”

“It sure can.”

Zadie squirmed some more and started to cry.

“I think this little one is getting hungry.” Willa handed Zadie over. “And I best go get ready for the barbecue. Thank you so much for taking me, dear.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Bryn stood, taking Zadie. Her confidence as a mom had expanded, and she felt as though she were getting to know her child’s wants and needs. She wanted to believe it was intuitive; however, it was more a combination of trial and error and paying attention to behaviors.

That and sheer luck.

“Oh, no, honey. Don’t get up. I can see myself out.”

Bryn nodded. She leaned back in the chair and adjusted her clothing. So far, she’d mastered the breastfeeding thing, but in another week, she’d start giving Zadie a bottle. She wanted that freedom. Not that she ever planned to leave her precious little girl, but she wasn’t sure how long she’d be feeding this way, and she knew Willa wanted to be able to feed Zadie. It would be nice to have three or four hours so she could exercise, take a long bath, or even go to the grocery store alone.

But she’d insist on paying Willa.

Bryn would never be indebted to another person again.

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