Page 92 of Pleasantly Pursued

Felicity remained quiet, and I lifted my head to look her in the eyes. I shook my head. “Sucha fool. I am certain I’ve lost Benedict forever.”

If she was surprised by my candid admission, she hid it well. “You have not lost him.”

“You cannot know that. I was awful. He has tried to convince me that we would be good together, that our love is worth fighting for, and I pushed him away time and again because I feared ending up like my mother. He is so similar to my father, you see. They are nearly the same person. And I am my mother in both appearance and temperament. But now . . . now I see that I knew nothing of my parents’ relationship.” I groaned loudly. “I’ve thrown away my chance at happiness with him, and I will never be forgiven. I do notdeserveto be forgiven.”

Felicity laughed, drawing my attention. “As much as I find your dramatics a little amusing, you must cease. Surely you realize that if Benedict’s heart was so fully engaged to you before whatever occurred between the two of you last night, then he will not be so easily changed.”

“No, noteasily. But if I have broken his heart, then it will not be easily mended, either. I’ve been a—”

“A fool? Yes, you said so. Now, instead of crying about it, we need to think through the situation logically.”

“You will help me?”

“Of course.” Felicity showed a quiet strength that I admired. I did not know how to be quiet in anything I did. “We will begin by forming a plan.”

Chapter32

BENEDICT

As difficult as it has been to stay away from Thea, it has also been something of a necessity. I could very easily have left London altogether, but I was seeing to the business of finding a land agent or a steward who might be willing to come work for me in Cumberland. I’d not yet finalized the sale of either house, but I had received letters from both of the solicitors I had inquired with, and now all that was left to me was to make a decision about my future.

But how could I make any such decisions about my future when the person I wanted to share it with was being obstinate and headstrong and dancing with ridiculous fops to wedge herself beneath my skin?

I deeply regretted the way I had left things with Thea last week. The sennight since the Huttons’ ball had been miserably spent interviewing possible candidates and sitting in the damp room I was letting off of St. James Street. With great determination, though, I stayed away from my family’s townhouse. I was not prepared to see her yet. I hoped the time away would make it easier to face Thea again next time I did.

I met James and Henry on the pavement before my rooms, and we set off down St. James Street. Men walked past us, swinging canes and tipping their hats in greeting on the way to their clubs.

“We could go to Brooks,” James suggested. “I could get you both in for dinner.”

“I would prefer a brisk walk today,” I said, delighting in the sunshine despite the cold. “Now will you cease making me wait, and tell me—”

“Benedict Bradwell,” a deep, saccharine voice called from behind us. I turned to find Keller approaching us from behind, and Thea’s friend Peter Seymour was beside him. His mouth curved into a foxlike smile. “I did wonder if that was you.”

I turned and dipped my head politely to both of them. “Do you know my brothers? James and Henry Bradwell.”

Mr. Seymour nodded. “We met yesterday. Good to see you both again.”

“Yesterday?” I looked at James.

He nodded. “When Mr. Seymour called on Thea.”

My chest tightened as sudden envy dashed through me. I knew Thea would have had suitors knocking at her door all week, but hearing about it did not sit well in my stomach. Mr. Seymour did not deserve her. I did not know the man, but I could sense that much. And he hadkissedher all those years ago.

I had to clench my fists discreetly behind my back to remove some of the anger and jealousy now coursing through me.

“We recently heard of a new faro club opening on King Street,” Keller said. “If you’ve any interest, I can procure you an invitation.”

“I do not.” I was not interested in losing my inheritance before I could secure an estate.

My brothers each gave similar answers, and Keller looked between us, annoyed. “You used to be reliable for a good time, Bradwell. Now you are only a disappointment.”

I watched Keller walk away, Mr. Seymour in step with him, and my shoulders lightened to a satisfied degree. “It is all very well being a disappointment to him, I think,” I said. “So long as I make myself proud.”

James clapped me on the back, and we resumed our walk to St. James’s park. “You make me proud, Ben.”

“I would add my pride to this as well,” Henry said, “but I fear the moment has already grown far too tender for my comfort.”

I grinned. “You mean you would prefer not to hear about how miserable I’ve been this last week?”

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