Page 31 of Cowboy's Christmas Girlfriend

“No. I didn’t.” A new emotion burst through her, frustration this time. She hadn’t done anything wrong as a hungry kid, and she wasn’t wrong now. “Beth mentioned the place was free,” she said. “I never said anything to imply I’d take it.”

Will’s shoulders went lax, and he slumped in the doorframe. “I didn’t mean to go off on you,” he said. “She just seemed so sure, I thought you must’ve said something.”

“I wouldn’t do that, set her up for disappointment.” Suzanna rushed to Will, choking back her frustration. This wasn’t what she wanted, raised voices, accusations. She wanted the hope she’d felt, looking out over the ranch. She took Will’s hand, nervous, and made herself meet his eye. “I was thinking, though, I could take that apartment. I could make my home here, make all this real. Make us real, if you wanted.”

“Make us real?”

“Don’t we feel real already?” She clasped Will’s hands tight. “I’ve fallen in love with this place, with the land and the life. And you and your family, the girls, I...what do you think? Am I dreaming, or...?”

Will opened his mouth and closed it again. Suzanna’s smile faded. She’d been so sure, so sure he felt the same. But that surety was fading, and she didn’t like what was rising in its place.

“You, uh...” He cleared his throat. “You’ve really thought this through.”

Suzanna’s eyes prickled. She drew a deep, calming breath. Whatever came next, she’d hold it together.

“This wasn’t the plan.” Will dropped her hands and ran his fingers through his hair. “Our deal, this arrangement, it was just for Christmas, right? You’ve done great, I’ll say that, and the girls love you, but who do you know here besides my family and friends? What’ll you have if we need to break up?”

“If we need...” Suzanna’s voice cracked. She swallowed hard. “You see us breaking up, then?”

“No, but I thought Hannah and I would grow old together, so what the hell do I know?” He turned his back on her, tense as a whip. “Don’t you get it? There’s always a risk, whether you see it or not. How can I take that chance?” Will began to pace. “How well do I know you? How well do you know me? How real is this—can you tell me? Can you say for sure?”

Suzanna reeled back, stunned. “I thought—weren’t we—” She dashed a tear off her cheek, turned and leaned on the counter. Outside was pitch-dark, that deep country dark city dwellers never knew. Suzanna stared into it, willing herself not to cry. “Maybe it’s too soon,” she said. “But isn’t it worth a try?”

Will exhaled and said nothing. Suzanna felt weak.

“We don’t have to rush into anything,” she said. “I’ve just started my next book. It’s set in Australia. I could take a research trip, give us some space. We could figure things out without—”

“Australia? What? For how long?” Will’s tone had gone sharp. Suzanna closed her eyes, gripped the countertop hard.

“Three months, maybe six. And then we’d go back to how things were before our—our deal. Figure out if we’re something or if we’re—”

“And what would I tell the girls?”

“I don’t know, the truth? That I had to take a trip, but I’ll come back with presents?”

Will made a snorting sound. “Is that the truth?” He closed in behind her, bootheels clicking on the floor. “Could you not write your book without flying across the world? Couldn’t you use Google, or read a book?”

“Well, I could, but I thought—”

“So, more lies.” Will turned away. Suzanna bit her lip hard, fighting fresh anger.

“We’ve both told a few,” she said, bitterness in her tone. “What are a few more? You didn’t seem to mind so much when you came up with this charade.”

Behind her, Will took a deep, shuddering breath. He grabbed a chair and sat down and buried his face in his hands. Suzanna watched his hunched reflection in the window. He looked like she felt, blindsided, beaten. She turned and laid a cautious hand on his shoulder.

“We don’t have to decide anything tonight,” she said.

“You came here on a work trip,” said Will, without raising his head. “You came here and you—you jumped in headfirst. You threw yourself into my world like you’d been waiting all your life for this chance. But was it this you were waiting for, or was it adventure?”

“What are you saying?”

“What if you go to Australia and you meet some sheep farmer, and he takes you to some...some billabong? And then he jumps in bare-chested and you fall for him? What happens if you fall for the outback as fast as you did for the mountains, and your dreams of big sky country all turn to dust?”

“If my...” Suzanna laughed, not sure whether she was amused or outraged. “You think that’s all I see in you? All I see in this place? Some exotic vacation, some fantasy? And what the hell is a billabong? I don’t even—I can’t.”

“It could happen,” said Will. “Maybe not quite like that, but you could love it there and decide not to come back, and where would that leave the girls? It’d leave ’em hurt, that’s where, and I can’t take that chance.”

“And what about you? Would you be hurt if I left here and never came back?”

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