Page 54 of The Love of My Next Life
That was nearly five years ago. I try to comb through my memories of that trip, but nothing stands out. It was just my best friend and her family coming on vacation with me and my dad. Dad and Drea have always been friendly, but there’s never been any sign to suggest...
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. “Why did Macon know and not me?”
“I don’t have a good answer for that,” Dad says slowly. “I didn’t want to confuse you or affect your friendship with Claire. For a long time, it was just you and me, and after your mom, I didn’t want to disrupt your normal. And Macon, well, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper, thoughts of Macon walking in on my dad and his mom make my skin crawl.
“Just kissing,” my dad clarifies, as if that makes it less weird. “Around Christmas.”
“That’s almost a year ago!” I shout. “And you were here last night, why? Because you knew Claire would be gone and you guys were sneaking around? Is that why you suggested we stay at our house last night?”
“Lower your voice,” he says sternly, and I take a deep breath and grit my teeth. “I was here last night because Andrea had a difficult conversation with the kids’ dad, and I came over after to console her and be a good friend. I planned to go back home after.”
I snort atfriend. I don’t mention the wine or the candle. I didn’t think my dad would lie to me about something like this, but our whole relationship revolves around secrets. I feel angry and betrayed and guilty all at once.
“There’s something else,” he says slowly, and I whip my eyes back to him. His face is blank.
“Don’t tell me you want to marry her,” I whisper.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he confesses. “We were going to come clean about our relationship over winter break, and I was going to propose after you graduated.”
I blink at him. I blink again. I stare hard, and I don’t speak.
“I love her, Lennon.”
The vulnerability and sincerity in his voice breaks me, and I start to cry. He stands and walks to me, pulling me into a hug, and I wrap my hands around his large, muscled torso and cry into his shirt. I breathe in the familiar scent of our laundry detergent, and the faint hints of lavender hit me like a frying pan over the head. God, I was so stupid. I start to laugh.
“The lavender,” I say between laughs and sobs, and he chuckles. “I never connected the two.”
He rubs my back and rests his chin on my head.
“I’m sorry this is how you found out, Lennon, but I’m not sorry for falling for her.”
I pull back and smile softly through my tears.
“I know,” I choke out. “I love her too. She’s easy to love.”
He smiles. “She is.” He releases me and steps back. “I’m going to head back home, but Andrea and I would like to have a family dinner, all of us, to start getting used to the situation. Since you all know, now, there’s no reason for us not to publicly date.”
“Okay,” I force out.
I’m okay with it, I am, but I don’t miss how he never onceasksif I’m okay with it.There’s no reason, he says, all but admitting my opinion about this relationship doesn’t matter. The realization tastes bitter.
My fingers itch for a paintbrush, butmysecret is still a secret, and it’s going to have to stay that way. At least for a little while longer.
“Oh,” my dad blurts before he leaves the kitchen, “I forgot to tell you. Eric came by the house this morning to check on you. Brought you some flowers. He’s a nice kid, Len. I’m glad you found him.”
I flatten my lips between my teeth and breathe through my nose.
“Thanks,” I say after a moment. “Me too.”
Dad leaves me standing in the kitchen with my secrets swirling around me, taunting me. Reminding me that I can’t be angry with my dad for lying, because I’m the biggest liar of us all.
I head back upstairs to change after another cup of coffee. When I get to Claire’s room, she’s awake and sitting upright on the bed.
“So...” she starts, “Virginia Beach, huh?”
I sigh. “Yep. You were listening?”
