Page 96 of Changing the Game

Carys stands up and pushes at my chest. “Because I don’t want you to have to get through this, Coop.” She turns her back to me for a moment, gathering her composure. Her finger tightens into fists at her side before she spins back to me.

“I love you, Cooper. Part of me always will. But I can’t give you what you want. I can’t give you what you’ll need, and I’d never forgive myself for robbing you of that.” Her green eyes fill with unshed tears. “We have no idea what the next twenty years are going to look like for me. I could have issues neither of us has even considered. But it’s almost guaranteed that I’m going to have issues having a baby. I was going to have complications before this diagnosis. And now...” The first tear falls. “Now, it could be catastrophic for me or the baby.”

I step into her and gather her in my arms as she cries, pressing my lips against the top of her head. She grips my shirt with her fists and sobs. Long, deep, gut-wrenching sobs. “Let it go, baby. Let it all out.” I hold her tighter and let her cry, rubbing her back... her hair. Soothing her any way I can. Then I pick her up and sit down with her small body tucked against me.

We sit there for a long time as she calms down.

The two of us holding each other.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me earlier? I don’t care. We can adopt. There’re tons of kids out there who need good homes. I don’t care if we can’t do it the traditional way. And I’m not even thinking about kids right now. I just want you. I’ll stand with you every step of the way, Carys. We’ll get through this together.” I lift her face to mine and gently press my lips to hers.

“You’ll care one day, Coop. What if I’m sick and they won’t give us a baby? I’ve read horror stories online. It’s not as easy as you’re making it sound. There are so many possible complications.” She runs her thumb over my cheek, and I know before she speaks what she’s going to say. It’s plain as day in her eyes. “I can’t do that to you, Cooper. I won’t. I refuse to let you make those decisions now for the both of us, only to regret it later. I don’t want to live like that. I can’t.”

Carys climbs off my lap and tugs her shirt down. “You deserve more than that, and so do I.”

“Fuck that.” I stand in front of her and grab her hand. “You hate when people make decisions for you. You fucking hate when people treat you like they know what’s best. That’s what you’re doing now. You’re not listening to me.” I lift her hand and lay it over my heart. “I don’t care about any of that if it means I don’t have you. You’re it, Carys. You’re everything.”

Her face softens. “I wish I could believe that.”

“But why can’t you? When have I ever given you any reason to doubt that? To doubt me?”

“You haven’t,” she whispers. “But I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, Coop. I don’t know what to think or how to feel. Just as so much of my life is coming together, a whole different piece of it is falling apart.”

“Let me help you. We’ll deal with it together.” It’s crazy how much a year can change things. I can’t imagine my life without this woman standing next to me. I’d fight any battle, wage any war if it meant I got to keep her.

“I’m moving home, Coop. I’m taking a year off of school and moving back to Kroydon Hills so Chloe and I can concentrate on the business. My doctor in Philly is the best in the country, and I’ll be close to Mom if I need her.”

“That doesn’t change anything. None of that does.” I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers. “I’m home for Nattie’s wedding and have to fly back to Coronado the next day. We leave for our six-month deployment right after that. When I come back, I’m transferring to Virginia Beach and Bravo Team. I did that for us, baby. So we could be closer to our family. To our friends. It can all work out.”

She closes her eyes. “I don’t know, Cooper. I want to believe it can all work out, but I’m just not there yet.”

“Yet. You’re not thereyet. But you can get there. Don’t doubt me. Don’t doubt us. We’re worth it, Carys. We’re worth the risks. We’re worth the hell. Together. You and Me. We’re worth it all.”

She walks willingly into my arms and rests her cheek against my chest. “Just give me time, Cooper. I’m not making any promises, but I need time.”

“Don’t shut me out, and I’ll give you whatever you want, baby.”

I’ll fight forever for this woman, whether she wants me to or not.

I’m notsure how I accumulated so much stuff over the past twelve months, but as I tape up the last of my boxes to be shipped back to Philly, I wonder, yet again, where it all came from. When we moved into this place last year, I only had two bins, my suitcases, and a few canvas bags full of stuff. I lost count of the boxes the guys have taken from my room. They’ve been great, carrying it all downstairs for me.

I look around my now-bare room and run my hand over the box I’ve carefully packed my sewing machine in. I can’t believe I’m saying goodbye to California. And as Cooper knocks on my door, it’s even harder to believe I’m saying goodbye tohim.

“Hey, you almost ready to head to the airport?” We’ve texted a few times in the three weeks since my brother’s wedding, but it’s been awkward. Stilted. He’s trying to give me the space and time I need to figure out where my head’s at, but I’m no closer now than I was a month ago. I did agree to let him drive me to the airport today.

I take a look around the room and appreciate what living in this house gave me one last time. This past year showed me how strong I am and how fragile life is. I’m done hiding. I’m done holding back. I’m living my life. I wish it could be with this man at my side, but I don’t think that’s how this is all going to work out.

I take a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Cooper pushes the door open, and I walk past him and down the steps.

Emerson’s waiting in the kitchen with a bag of oil and vinegar chips in her hands. This kid is going to come out with a cholesterol issue from the way Em’s been going to town on junk food. Her tiny bump popped and no longer looks like a food baby. Linc and she decided not to find out what they’re having, so we’re still referring to the baby as whatever fruit the books compare it to each month. I think this week it’s an eggplant.

She hugs me with her greasy fingers, crushing the bag against my back. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving me.”

“I’m just a plane ride away. And your dad has a private jet. You can come to Kroydon Hills whenever you want.”

Em starts crying. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

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