Page 103 of Changing the Game

I slip a soft black Kings sweatshirt over my head that I picked up yesterday from a chair, and instead of putting it away in Cooper’s room like I should have, I left it in here. Wanting something that still carried his scent, that would envelop me like the man himself has so many times, letting it wrap around me and kiss my skin.

I force myself to remember I’m doing this for a reason.

I’m breaking us on purpose now, so I don’t destroy us later.

Don’t destroy him.

I’ve never been the strong one. It’s always been him. He’ll never let me go if I don’t force him, and I can’t let him do that.

I can’t take his full, beautiful life from him.

I can’t handle the resentment that would eventually come with it.

It’s easy to slip through the sliding-glass doors of my room undetected since everyone else in the house is sound asleep. I follow the well-worn path through the sand dunes and beach grass down to the hard sand and look out at the edge of the stormy ocean. The sky is gray with no sun in sight. But there he is, his bronzed body sitting atop his surfboard, waiting for the perfect wave. He’s got the patience of a freaking saint. Always has.

So I do what I do best.

I watch. Always on the outside looking in.

At least until he’s beside me. Then I finally fit.

If only for a little while.

Coop lies down on his board and starts to paddle as a wave builds in the distance behind him. Thunder crashes overhead, and I watch him one more time.

He’s a golden god out there on his board, a frogman perfectly at home in the ocean.

He’s gorgeous.

He’s everything.

And I got to have his heart for a little while. That has to be enough.

He rides to the shore, unstraps his board from his ankle, and digs it into the sand. His blue eyes sparkle even brighter against the gray clouds overhead as another boom of thunder warns the skies are going to open soon. A relieved grin overtakes his handsome face as he makes his way to me.

“You came.” Never stopping, he grabs my face with both hands and crushes his lips to mine. His tongue licks into my mouth, and my hands grip his biceps with all the strength I have.

Peace is a fleeting sentiment. And peace is what I’ve always felt in his arms.

Tears burn the back of my eyelids as I turn my head away. “I had to say goodbye without everyone around us.”

Cooper stands stock-still, like I just stole his breath. “Don’t do this, Carys. Don’t do this to us.” He grabs my hand and flattens it against his heart. “Feel that, baby. It beats for you. Feel me. I’m yours. We can figure everything else out if you give us a chance. You’re it for me.” He presses his lips to mine again, but I just can’t.

“Cooper.” The tears fall as soon as his name leaves my lips. “I can’t,” I sob. “I just can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to either one of us. You deserve everything, and I can’t give that to you.”

“Baby.” He wipes the tears from my face just as the first fat raindrop falls. “I can live without everything else. But I can’t live without you. How can you even question that?”

I push him back with the hand resting against his chest, my tears coming hard and fast, mixing with the cool rain. “I love you, Cooper Sinclair. I always will. But last night doesn’t change anything. We’re over. We have to be.”

“You’re wrong. Don’t do this to us, Carys...”

I take a step back. Then another. “I have to because you never will. You’re too good, Coop. You’d never hurt me, and that would end up wrecking us.”

“Baby, please... We can work through this.” Fat raindrops cling to those long lashes I love, and the heavens open up with a vengeance as the rain pounds down against the sand, making it hard to see.

I shake my head no because I can’t force the words to come out. “Be safe, Cooper.”

“Don’t do this, Carys.” He drops to his knees, and I know he’ll never forgive me, and I’ll never forget this moment.

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