Page 10 of Changing the Game

Days like today, I wish they were both here with me now. They’d be brutally honest about my mixed emotions over seeing Cooper last night.

Who am I kidding? They’re not mixed. They’re lust. They’re want. They’re need. They’re the giant mushy place in my heart where only he lives. But those feelings suck and shouldn’t exist.Hence, needing brutal honesty.

“Last night was fine...”

“Fine? Seriously? You can do better than fine.” A horn honking echoes through the connection, followed by D cursing someone out. “God, I hate people who have no clue how to drive in the city. Anyway... explain.”

I lean my head back against the tree’s trunk and close my eyes. And for a moment, I remember what it felt like to be held by Cooper last night.

“He’s home, D.” The vice around my heart tightens.

Silence stretches for a few moments before her quiet voice asks, “Have you seen him?”

“He was there last night. At the bar. And Em and I are going over to his place tonight.”

“Oh, you need to give me more information than that. Come on. That’s just messed up.” Daphne sighs. “Start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”

“I didn’t know he was in the bar until we got off the stage and found Emerson standing with Cooper and his team. And D... when he hugged me. My God. It was like that scene in theWizard of Ozwhen everything goes from black-and-white to technicolor.” I sigh and stretch my legs.

“And...?”

“And there was this minute where I thought maybe he felt it too. But it was gone as quickly as it happened. Then I had a little too much to drink.” I think back to that text and cringe. “We were texting later on after I left, and I was trying to flirt.”

Daphne blows out an exasperated breath. “Well, what happened? Did he flirt back?”

“Maybe? I’m not sure. He shut me down, but there was something there.” I bang my head against the tree. “What am I going to do, D?”

“Carys Catrina Murphy. You did not go to school on the other side of the damn country just for a fine arts degree. We’ve got one of those schools in Philly, if that was all you were looking for. I know you wanted to get away and figure out what you want to do with your life. But how many times did you tell me that maybe going to college in San Diego would give fate a little nudge? Hmm? I seem to remember hearing that more than once when you were making your decision.”

I hate when she middle-names me.

“I know...” I mutter. I could have just as easily gone to the University of The Arts in Philadelphia if I’d have wanted to. But I wanted to get to live life away from home. I wanted to see what it was like to go to school with people I hadn’t known since preschool. To interact with a world that didn’t know everything about my family because four generations of us have lived in the same damn town for a hundred years. Or people who worship my stepfather because he’s a championship-winning football coach.

And yes, the fact that I got accepted to an art school in San Diego meant I’d be closer to Cooper... Just in case.

“I can’t hear you.”

Oh, the little bitch.

“You know I didn’t.” Damn it. She’s the only person in Kroydon Hills who knows how I feel about him. She was there the day we met. She was there the day he left. And she was there the day after our parents got married. She knows everything.

“How did it feel seeing him last night? It’s been almost a year, right?”

Cooper spent six months training in Virginia Beach last year before his deployment and came home for a weekend before I left for California. I haven’t seen him since. I pull my knees up against my chest and rest my head on them. “It’s him, D. It’s always been him. Seeing him reaffirmed that. But it can also never be him.”

A sound comes through the phone like she just smacked her steering wheel or maybe her dashboard. “I get it. I really do. I can’t imagine that there’s any way to wade into these waters without the ripple it causes reverberating across your whole family, Carys. But You’ve been half in love with Cooper for years. If you’re ever going to take a chance—and I’m not talking a slightly drunk at your mom and stepdad’s wedding chance—now’s when you do it. When a whole country separates you and your family. When no one is physically there to get in the way. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“He can shoot me down again.” I don’t know if I could handle that. Not when the pain of his words from two years ago still stings like a fresh wound and our lives are inextricably linked through our parents’ marriage.

“But what if he doesn’t?”

I guess that’s the question... But what if he doesn’t?

* * *

Two Years Ago

“Carys, you better knock it off. If Mom catches you drinking, she’s gonna be pissed.”

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