Page 9 of All In

My father leans both arms on the table and his blue eyes holding mine at attention. “Nattie, I don’t understand. Last year you were begging us to go to a ballet school in New York. What’s changed?”

“Daddy, I was never actually begging for that. Mom was kind of pushing that on me. I’m not sure what exactly changed. I just know that it doesn’t make me happy anymore, not how it used to.”

“I am tired of dedicating all of my time to it. I’m tired of watching every calorie that goes into my mouth. I am tired of the nasty girls that hate me because I’ve gotten the role they want. I just want to enjoy the last year of high school and figure out what I want to do with my life after I graduate.”

The server comes back and quietly slips the small, black leather billfold with the check on the table, giving me a momentary reprieve. He looks at me with a slight smile, as if to say good luck, then quickly walks away.

My father’s voice is deep and louder than I’d like. “Ballet is no longer what you want to do with your life? To do anything well, it takes dedication and practice. It’s years of hard work. Ten thousand hours to be considered an expert at anything you do.”

I’ve heard this speech so many times throughout my life. I wish I could yawn with the sense of exhaustion it brings.

Dad’s not done yet. He pulls his credit card out of his wallet, laying it in the billfold and signaling to the waiter. Speaking to me now without the eye contact he held a minute ago, he tells me, “You have to understand how disappointed I am that you are just going to give up and quit. Not everyone else has the God-given talent you have. I don’t want to see you waste it now and regret it later.”

Looking at Cooper for help, I’m let down when he refuses to meet my eyes too. My shoulders drop, and all of the bravado I forced on myself at the start of this conversation is gone. “I don’t understand, Dad. This is my life. Not yours. I don’t want to do this for the next ten years just because I’m good at it.”

Cooper puts his hand on mine, and I mistakenly think he’s about to back me up. “But you’re not just good, Nattie, you’re great. Do you want to give that up?”

I clear my throat and can feel the tears starting. Damnit. “Please listen to me. This isn’t a decision that I made on a whim. The fact that you both can’t imagine your lives without football, isn’t a good enough reason for me to live my life in pointe shoes.”

My voice is wavering, and I decide I’m not ready to break just yet—deep breath. “Ballet has always been my escape. While you guys have spent your lives on a football field, I’ve spent mine on a stage, and I am done trying to escape. I want to live my life.

“I want to find something that makes me feel the way ballet used to make me feel. I want to have a life. I want to enjoy my senior year. I want to date and go to parties and prom. You’ve gotten to do all of that, Cooper, but I haven’t.

“Daddy, can’t you be happy that I am deciding this now and not after I’ve missed the opportunity to go to college? Most parents would be thrilled that their child is telling them they want to give up dancing and go to college.”

Shit. Wrong thing to say. The red comes back to my father’s cheeks. “Natalie Grace Sinclair, I have watched you dance your entire life. It was obvious from the time you were a little girl in a pink tutu that you were meant to be on a stage. I don’t want you to do anything that you are going to regret. I have not raised my children to be quitters, and I do not accept this.”

Raising my voice to my father for the first time tonight, I stand from my chair. “You’re not hearing me. I am not going to regret this, Daddy. I am not quitting. I have gotten everything out of ballet that I am going to and want to pursue other things. That’s not quitting. It’s switching directions and deciding what I don’t want to do with my life, so that I can find the thing that I do want to do, instead of just knowing what I don’t want to do.”

“Lower your voice right now, young lady. That is all still to be determined. This conversation is not over; it is on hold. I’m going to have to discuss this with your mother, and we both know having to discuss anything with your mother is not something that I want to do. In the meantime, you may not want to work with Madame Irina the way that we had planned, but I want you to find a local ballet school and take a few classes.

I sit back down and take a sip of my water as my father continues. “Make sure, really sure, that this is what you want. Then we can make a decision.”

The waiter picks that moment to give my father his card back and a pile of fancy chocolates wrapped in gold. Cooper grabs a handful and gets a glare from my father. He drops chocolate in front of me, and I glare at him and mumbletraitor.

“This conversation is to be continued. I have a meeting at the complex that I need to get to.” He picks up my hand and squeezes.

“I love you kids and want you to live extraordinary and fulfilling lives. You may not always like what I have to say, but trust me when I tell you I’m on your side.”

Giving my father a nod of the head, I sit while he stands up, kisses my cheek, and then turns to Cooper. “Make sure your sister gets home safe. See you tomorrow.”

I wait until my father walks away before turning on Cooper, nailing him to his seat with my glare, and the smile on his face vanishes. “You suck!”

7

Natalie

Thank God we took two cars to the restaurant tonight, because I think that I would rather walk home than spend any more time with my father right now. I'm not thrilled with my brother either, but he is by far the lesser of two evils at the moment.

Slamming the door of the Jeep, I sit with my arms crossed over my chest and my face turned to the window.

Coop gets in but makes no move to start the car. "Nattie."

His voice sounds pained. Good.

Turning my face toward him, the tears I've been holding in for the last thirty minutes finally flow freely down my face. My traitor brother looks at me like I’m a ticking time bomb that he doesn't know how to defuse.

"You were supposed to be on my side. We are always on each other's side, Coop. What the hell was that back there?"

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