“Thank you,” I rasp as I dig my face into his neck. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?” he whispers.

“Life. Without my dad.” My heart cracks open again when those words tumble out of my mouth. I don’t want to cry again. I want to forget this searing pain that takes ahold of me every time I take a breath. “Make me forget?” I look up into his eyes for the first time since coming home last night.

He studies me for a minute as his hands run up my back under my shirt. He moves me onto my back and gives me a soft, slow kiss. For the next few minutes he kisses me and lets his hands roam my body in gentle brushes bringing desire to the forefront of my emotions and pushing down the sadness. He sets a lazy pace of stripping us of our clothes. He makes love to me tenderly, sweetly, in a way I didn’t even know I needed or that he was capable of. I fall asleep feeling safe, cherished, and loved.

I wake up a few hours later to murmured voices out in the living room. I reach over to where Connor had been laying and feel that the sheets are cold. I put my clothes back on and find Levi and Griff sitting on the couch together talking about something softly. They look up in unison when I walk in the room.

“Hey hood rat. How are you doing?” Levi asks with a sad smile.

“I’m here.” I shrug and take a seat on the couch between them. “Where did Con go?”

“He and Victor went to give statements to the police. We’ll leave to go back home when they get back,” Griff answers.

“Home,” I chuckle bitterly. “I don’t have a home anymore.” Our house in Chicago sold a month ago. I only lived at the Volkov estate because my dad worked for Victor. “No family. No home.” I rest my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands.

“Nope.” Levi parks himself in front of me, sitting on the coffee table. He grabs my hands and makes me look up at him. “I amsosorry about your dad.” He squeezes my hands in his. “But youdohave a home. You sure as fuck have a family. It is with us. We love you, hood rat. Griff, Ivy, Connor, Zion, me, we are your family not from blood but choice. We’re going to be here for you, every day. You want to scream, I’ll hand you a megaphone. You want to cry,” he pats his shoulder, “I’ve got two huge shoulders for that. You want to hit something, that can be fucking arranged. We are here. For. You. I don’t want to hear about you not having a family, okay?” He looks at me with his navy eyes glazed over with fierce emotion.

I launch myself into his lap and wrap my arms around him. In such a short amount of time he’s become like another brother, like Zion, to me. I swallow down the emotion, hoping he can sense my gratitude through the way I’m squeezing him. “You must kill motivational speeches in the locker room.” I mumble into his chest.

“Look at you, making jokes.” His chest shakes with a chuckle. “And, yes, I give great locker room speeches.” He shifts us and moves back to the couch. “Huddle up, Griff.” I feel Griff wrap his arms around me from the other side.

The rest of the semester passes by both quickly and slowly. At school the guys, Ivy, and Levi’s football teammates keep me insulated in a bubble of protection. I look up the stages of grief online and realize that I seem to be cycling through them out of order and even repeating some of them. Even with my maelstrom of emotions I somehow manage to end the semester with a 3.9 GPA.

Victor had a room made for me in the family wing but I spend every night with Connor. We don’t try to hide anything from him and he seems completely okay with it. Edward helped me pack up most of my dad’s things and said he’d take care of finding somewhere to store them for me. Delores clucks around me like a mother hen, always trying to get me to eat more.

A week before Christmas we flew to Chicago to have a memorial for dad. Some of dad’s friends from his old unit came, some old neighbors, Z and his family. It felt good to be back in Chicago but also like it was no longer home. I had Connor and Z right beside me and Victor, Levi, Griff, and Ivy at my back while I released dad’s ashes into Lake Michigan. Chicago gave us a typical, blistery gray winter day for the release. The bitter cold spray off the waves was a fitting compliment to my mood that day.

31

Lilith

We got back from Chicago two days ago and I’ve spent the time since locked away in my room, mostly sleeping but sometimes Con comes in to watch kitchy Hallmark Christmas movies with me. I can’t help but feel like I’m dragging down the vibe so I hide away here in the beautiful room that was somehow already set up and perfect when we came back from NYC weeks ago.

“Come in,” I say when I hear a knock on the door.

Victor opens the door looking more casual than I’ve ever seen him before barefoot in jeans and a long sleeve red shirt. He’s holding a black folder full of papers. “I have some things to go through with you about your dad’s will. I can call a lawyer for any questions you might have but I thought it might be easier for me to just walk you through everything, especially regarding his security company.”

“Considering I didn’t even know he had a will until now that’s fine. I trust you.” I pat the bed beside me.

He sits down beside me against the headboard and stretches his legs out. “First things first, I’m transferring five million into an account for you. It’s the remainder of his contract with me plus a settlement for pain and suffering for you. That’s obviously not in his will but it’s important for you to remember as I go through this.”

“You don-” I start to decline but he interrupts me.

“I do. You lost your father while he was protecting my son and myself. I will forever owe you a debt that can never be repaid, let me make this small gesture.” He looks over at me with the same green eyes I’m so used to getting lost in.

“Five million dollars isn’t a small gesture but continue.” I point to the folder in his lap.

“Okay, your dad had a life insurance policy through VI worth one million. My attorney said it should be cleared to you within the next six weeks. He left you his truck. He also left his security company to you.” Victor shifts to look at me.

“Here’s where things could get complicated. You have several options. You can sell the company and walk away with the money. I had a few people look into it and they think it’s probably worth couple million. If you did that you could walk away and wash your hands of it.” He gives me a serious look before continuing. “Or you could hand the reigns of the business over to someone else for the time being until you finish college and then take it back over. I would be happy to help you find someone well suited to the task. Someone trustworthy and hardworking. Michael and I had been discussing me investing some money to help take the business up to the next level. If you choose to have me help you with the business I could triple it’s profitability and get you set for life.”

“A steady stream of income would free you up for law school and eventually founding that nonprofit you’ve dreamed of. Even with someone taking over the company while you finish your education you will still have final say over every business decision. I can help guide you or direct you to some business mentors who can do so.”

He hands me a pen and points to the stack of papers in front of us. “Initial next to the green tabs and sign beside the red tabs. This is only an acknowledgement of the terms of the will, nothing to do with the business.”

“Okay.” I read through everything carefully before signing and initialing. “I’m going to need some time to think about everything regarding the business.”