Lilith

I wake up pressed between two hard, hot male bodies. My head is pounding and confusion swims through my mind when I open my eyes and see that I’m tucked against Griff’s chest. I look down and see Levi’s tan arm wrapped around me. Then the fog lifts and reality comes crashing into me like a category five hurricane.

Dad is dead.

I let my head drop back down on Griff’s chest, willing myself to disappear into the ether. I lay there, cradled by two of my closest friends and let the numbness float me away.

“Hood rat?” Levi whispers as his hand splays across my tummy. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He rests his head on the back of my shoulder. All I can muster a squeeze of his forearm.

Nothing feels right. The air in my lungs, the blood pumping through my body all feels like some terrible cosmic joke. I’m left here with no one now, no family. An orphan. Thrown away by my mother when I was four. Orphaned by my dad at 18.

I flip around and sob into Levi’s arms. The bed jostles as Griff gets up. I hear him pad out into the living room and then he comes back in with Connor hot on his heels. Griff hands me a bottle of water and an ibuprofen.

I sit up to pop the pills and chase them with a couple gulps of water. Levi holds me close one more time before passing me over to Connor. He gathers me up in his arms and presses a kiss to my lips.

“Do you want to shower?” He asks.

I nod and move off his lap. He pulls me up and walks me into the bathroom. I stand there like zombie while he gets the shower started. He strips me of my clothes and then himself of his. He shampoos and conditions my hair, washes my body, washes my face. He switches us and cleans up himself. Then he grabs a couple fluffy towels to dry us. The entire time he does this I just stare off into space. I should bring myself to say something kind or appreciative but I just zone out instead.

After I get dressed I follow Connor out into the kitchen where Levi is setting out breakfast. Victor walks in from the hallway with the guest rooms. He wraps me in a tight and comforting hug. Levi slides a bagel and egg sandwich in front of me but the thought of food makes bile raise in the back of my throat.

“I hate to ask this right now,” Victor pauses for a second, “but I need to know what Michael’s wishes would be for his burial. Do you even know?”

“He wanted to be cremated and sprinkled into Lake Michigan in the shadow of Soldier Field,” I answer lifelessly. “Oh God. I need to call everyone in Chicago. Z and his family. Dad had several friends from his times in the Marines. I’ll need to call them, too.”

“What about your mother?” Victor approaches the question hesitantly. “Should we tell her?”

“No.” I wouldn’t even know how to find her. “Even if I did know where she was I wouldn’t reach out to her.”

“Okay,” he bobs his head once, “I’ll get everything taken care of for you. Let me know if you need anything in the interim.”

“Thanks,” I rasp when he gives me another hug. “I’m going to go call Zion and try to get ahold of some family friends.”

I leave the food Levi tried to give me on the counter and walk back to Connor’s bedroom. I crawl onto the bed and pull up Z’s number. I start to swipe to call him but stop. I don’t know how to break this news to him. Dad was the closest thing to a father figure Z has ever had. His own dad died of a drug overdose when he was a baby, he doesn’t have an uncle or grandfather to fulfill that role.

I’m still staring at my phone when Connor walks in. He pauses beside the bed like he is trying to gather his thoughts.

“Can I sit?” he asks.

I nod.

“Do you want me to call him with you?” he asks as he lays down facing me.

“Will you sit with me? I should be the one to tell him but I don’t know how.”

“Of course. How about I call and you talk?” He holds his hand out for my phone. I give it to him and he swipes to call Zion.

After a few rings Z answers. “Hi Lil.”

“Hey, it’s actually Connor and Lilith.” Connor clears his throat and looks to me.

“Hey,” I croak. I try to hold back the tears but I know Z can hear them in my voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quickly and with deep concern.

Connor looks at me, waiting to follow my lead. I open my mouth and then close it, open it again but the words won’t form. I feel a swell of panic cresting within me. Connor sees it in my eyes and gives me a nod before continuing. I listen to him tell Z what happened in a bubble of numbness I create around myself. I vaguely register Zion crying and him telling his mom who also starts to cry. Zion begs for me to talk to him, to say anything but I can’t. I just lay down and roll over, facing away from Connor and that awful conversation I’m no where ready to accept.

After Connor gets off the phone with Zion he lays down behind me and pulls me to his chest. I roll over after a few minutes of laying together in silence.