Page 105 of Harvest Moon (Riverbend 3)

In the light of day he’d pushed it away. Sometimes a little denial was easier than facing reality. But now, on the eve of the day that could change the course of their lives, he couldn’t deny he had feelings for Laurel.

Darkness had fallen around them, making it easier to ask the question somehow—though his heart still jackhammered against his ribs. If the clerk placed Emma with the Gordons tomorrow, not only would he lose Emma—he’d lose Laurel as well. And he was just starting to realize how devastating that would feel. Having her back in his life . . . those old feelings had resurfaced. He wishedthey’d agreed to that wedding—but it wouldn’t have worked if his feelings were unrequited. He would’ve been miserable.

His sigh was loud in the quiet evening. “I hate all this waiting.”

“I know. Me too. But it’ll be over soon.”

One way or another. The fire crackled in the silence. Sparks drifted into the darkening sky.

Laurel’s chair squeaked as she shifted. “Did you know Mallory always thought we’d get back together?”

“She did?”

“I used to get so mad at her for saying that. But she seemed so sure of it.” Laurel toyed with the frayed edge of the blanket. “I think that’s why she and Mike never changed their will.”

Huh. Gavin let that sink in. Had Mallory known something Gavin didn’t? As Laurel’s best friend she’d been privy to Laurel’s thoughts and feelings. Did his ex-wife still have feelings for him? Sometimes over the past couple of weeks he’d caught her staring at him with something akin to affection in her eyes. But every time he casually touched her, she discouraged his efforts. Case in point—he glanced down at their separated hands.

But who could blame her?

His chest tightened as he considered his next words. “Do you think...? Could you ever forgive me for what I did, Laurel?”

A lonely owl hooted somewhere in the distance. A log shifted on the fire, shooting a cluster of sparks into the night sky.

“For what you did?”

He closed his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to say it out loud. “I killed our son, Laurel. That’s what I did. And I’m so sorry. I have no right to ask your forgiveness when I can’t even seem to forgive myself.”

“Gavin...”She waited until he turned his head.

Her face softened in the golden glow of the fire. Her eyes sparkled with tears. “It was an accident. I forgave you for that a long time ago.”

The words were a balm to his soul. But he thought back to the day she’d shown up here. Her animosity toward him had been pretty obvious. “You don’t have to say that. I know it’s not true. When you got here you were plenty angry.”

“You’re right; I was angry. But not about that. You loved Jesse as much as I did. You would’ve traded your own life for his. I know that.”

He gave his head a shake. “Then what? Why were you so angry?”

“Gavin... you left me.”

“You told me to go!”

“Not then. Before that—you withdrew from me. You disappeared inside yourself and left me all alone. I grieved our sonalone.You wouldn’t talk to me, you wouldn’t comfort me or let me comfort you. You abandoned me when I needed you most!”

“I didn’t deserve you after what I’d done.”

Their gazes locked. He could still feel the burden of remorse. The weight of guilt. But now, taking in her pain-ravaged face, he could feel her pain too. She hadn’t deserved to suffer alone. She hadn’t deserved to be shut out. To be left alone in her grief.

“I’ve learned a few things since then,” she said. “I have abandonment issues from the way my dad disappeared. So when you shut me out like that, it felt like rejection. Abandonment. I was sure you were going to leave me so... I left first. Or I told you to leave. That way it wasmychoice—not something being done to me.”

Gavin stared at her, absorbing this revelation. All this time he’d been wrong about what had happened between them.

An image flashed in his mind. A day, weeks after the accident, he’d come home from work, entered the house like a zombie. He’dbeen working as late as possible, trying to stay busy so he didn’t have to think. Trying to avoid Laurel so he didn’t have to face what he’d done to her. And he’d been dealing with insomnia, so he’d begun sleeping on the couch.

But when he came home on this night he’d gone up to their bedroom. He just needed a glimpse of her, sleeping peacefully. Needed to see her without that awful blank expression she’d worn since the accident.

The loud hum of the furnace was the only sound in the house as he passed the closed nursery door and stopped at the master bedroom. He quietly pushed open the door.

The moonlight filtered through the sheers, highlighting Laurel’s form on the bed. She lay in the fetal position, her body quaking with sobs. The kind that were so hard and wrenching they made hardly a sound.

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