Page 91 of Dr. Off Limits

Tristan shook his head. “I think if you label yourself an outsider, that’s what you’re going to be.”

“I didn’t label myself an outsider. I am an outsider. You think people are just going to—”

“I think people are going to do all sorts of things. I imagine most of the more senior people in the hospital won’t give a shit because most of them met their wives and husbands and partners at work as well. They’ll have seen doctors who come through from the fancy schools with top grades and do badly. They’ll have seen the opposite and everything in between. If you got the position at the Royal Free, you deserve it. They know that, and they’re the people you want to impress. Who cares about the gossip from the people at your level? They’ll come around. Or they won’t and they’re arseholes.”

I glanced at Parker to see her expression. Did she agree with Tristan? Did she think it was that easy?

She took my woolen-covered hand in hers. “I totally get why you don’t want people to judge you. But I don’t think the people who matter will. And I think Tristan’s right—it’s not a fluke that you got accepted at this hospital. It wasn’t some administrative error. You worked hard. You deserve it.”

I deserved it? I’d never thought about it like that.

“You’ve spent most of your life fighting for scraps, so when someone offers you a meal, you think it must be a mistake. It’s not. I’m not going to lecture you on letting go and just being happy—I know I’ve not had the same life experience as you. But I know you deserve to be happy.”

I leaned my head on Parker’s shoulder and squeezed her hand, a silent thank-you for her words.

All my anxiety about dating Jacob publicly had been because I didn’t think I deserved my job.

It was clear to me now.

“I worked really hard,” I said.

“Harder than really hard,” Parker said.

“I still work really hard.”

“Super hard,” Parker said. “But not only that, you’re just as capable and just as deserving as everyone in your year.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

She pulled me into a hug and then Tristan wrapped his long arms around both of us.

“Thanks, you two.”

“That’s it,” Tristan said. “I’m taking these skates off. They’re killing me and I feel like my work here is done.”

Parker laughed. “You earned a reprieve.”

“Are you going to call him now?” Tristan asked.

“Jacob? No. Even if I’m okay dating Jacob publicly, the feeling isn’t mutual. If I was to call him and say let’s dry hump in A&E—”

“For the record, I didn’t advocate for dry-humping at work,” Tristan said. “But I didn’t not advocate for it either. On balance I’m probably pro as a general rule, but I think you might want to hold off, given your job is to save the lives of people around you and everything.”

I smiled. “What I’m saying is even if I was okay with dating Jacob, he’s not okay with dating me. His reasons are bigger than mine. There’s no way he’d risk his career trajectory. I have to just accept it’s over.”

We knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to last between us. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I didn’t expect to lie in bed at night, unable to fall asleep because all I kept thinking about was how it would feel if Jacob were next to me.

“If Jacob feels for you what you obviously feel for him, he needs to figure out a way through,” Tristan said.

Easier said than done. I knew it was never going to happen. Tristan had been trying to help, but in the end, I was pretty sure he’d made it worse. Maybe life didn’t always have to be such a struggle, but as far as I knew, I didn’t have a magic wand either. There would always be insurmountable obstacles between Jacob and me.

I had to make peace with that.

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